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The proportion of elderly people in some countries, like Japan, is considerably higher while in some other regions, including some Asian and Western countries, young people comprise the highest percentage of the total population.

The proportion of elderly people in some countries, like Japan, is considerably higher while in some other regions, including some Asian and Western countries, young people comprise the highest percentage of the total population. Having a larger proportion of youth is considered to have more advantages for a country, and I think that a country should have more active youths for faster development. To begin with, the young generation is dynamic, energetic, and can contribute to the job sector which has a huge positive impact on the economic development of the country. They come with fresh ideas and are free from old superstitions and traditional beliefs. It gives them a competitive advantage. The educated young generation is the best resource a country can have, and their contribution to the country is significantly higher than the participation of children and elder people. The contribution of the older people, however, could not be denied and they have already done their part for reforming the country. They have vast experience and wisdom that are vital for decision making. They are often considered a better fit for the decision-making positions. Moreover, children are the future of a country, and the elderly have already played their roles. On the contrary, the young generation is the active workforce and can lead to the overall growth of the country. They are active citizens in society while children and senior peoples are dependent on others. The young generation can learn things faster and can share ideas, and this is why they are better leaders. The ICT sector, for instance, is full of fresh minds and is globally led by young minds. The ICT sector is considered to be the most prominent sector for the development of a country, especially in this technological era, and it highlights the importance of young and fresh minds over elder people in a country. To conclude, older people should not be considered a burden for the country, however, the young have more to contribute to society and the country as a whole. This is why it is more beneficial for a country to have an active workforce than dependent senior citizens.
The proportion of elderly
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people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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countries
, like Japan, is
considerably
higher while in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other regions, including
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Asian and Western
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countries
,
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
comprise the highest percentage of the total population. Having a larger proportion of youth is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
considered
to have more advantages for a
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country
, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
should have more
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active
youths for faster development.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
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young
generation is dynamic, energetic, and can contribute to the job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
which has a huge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the economic development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with fresh
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and are free from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
superstitions and traditional beliefs. It gives them a competitive advantage. The educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation is the best resource a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can have, and their contribution to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is
significantly
higher than the participation of children and elder
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people
. The contribution of the older
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people
,
however
, could not be
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
denied and
they have already done their part for reforming the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. They have vast experience and wisdom that are vital for
This word is normally spelled with a hyphen.
decision making
. They are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
considered
a better fit for the decision-making positions.

Moreover
, children are the future of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, and the elderly have already played their roles.
On the contrary
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation is the
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active
workforce and can lead to the
overall
growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. They are
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active
citizens in society while children and senior
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peoples
are dependent on others. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation can learn things faster and can share
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, and this is why they are better leaders. The ICT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
,
for instance
, is full of fresh minds and is globally led by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
minds. The ICT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
considered
to be the most prominent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
for the development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
especially
in this technological era, and it highlights the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
and fresh minds over elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a country.

To conclude
, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
considered
a burden for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
however
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
have more to contribute to society and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as a whole. This is why it is more beneficial for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to have an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
active
workforce than dependent senior citizens.
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IELTS essay The proportion of elderly people in some countries, like Japan, is considerably higher while in some other regions, including some Asian and Western countries, young people comprise the highest percentage of the total population.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
358 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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