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The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine.Goverment funding should reflect this.To what extend do you agree

In the present society, the amount spend by people for their health treatments is extremely high. Out of the half per cent of population in a country is suffering with one disease or the other. There are a plethora of diseases available around as. “Prevention is better than cure” is famous proverb stating the benefit of blocking a disease before it comes. It is always better to avoid these diseases and illness rather than spending huge amount in treatment. Government contain a enormous amount of money for the health of the people, they should divert this funds for avoiding these diseases. To begin with, the individuals are affecting with many water bone diseases like malaria, dengue, chicken gunia and many more. These only due to bad drainage system facilities in the towns. Mosquitoes are given chances to lay eggs which lead to increase in the number of mosquitoes. These insects are major carriers of certain diseases. If the government provides fund for drainage cleaning, it reduces the number of people who is going to be admitted in government hospitals. Secondly, polluted water is another major reason for many diseases. During extreme summer season people will suffer with shortage of water in their areas. So they get water from public wells, rivers and so on. This water may not be pure. At this situation government must initiate facilities to purify water. For example, in Germany they water purifier centres working with solar energy which reduces the cost involved. Adding to this government can introduce public gyms and health fitness centres for common mans by charging an affordable fee. This will help numerous people to do regular exercises without spending much. As per the health report published by a magazine shows that the money spend by public health department is 75% of its total budget amount. And also it seems to be rising. To avoid this proble, fund should be properly utilised for preventing illness rather than its treatment. There should be departments to check the health conditions of the society.
In the present society, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
spend by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
treatments is
extremely
high. Out of the half per cent of population in a country is suffering with one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
or the other. There are a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
available around as. “Prevention is better than cure” is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
proverb stating the benefit of blocking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
. It is always better to avoid these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
and illness
rather
than spending huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
in treatment.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: “contains”.
contain
Use “an” instead of ‘a’ if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. ‘an article’, ‘an hour’.
a
enormous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of money for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they should divert this funds for avoiding these diseases.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the individuals are affecting with
Use “much” or “little” with uncountable nouns.
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
bone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
like malaria, dengue, chicken
Possible spelling mistake found.
gunia
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
drainage system facilities in the towns. Mosquitoes are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
chances to lay eggs which lead to increase in the number of mosquitoes. These insects are major carriers of certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
provides fund for drainage cleaning, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who is going to
be admitted
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
hospitals.

Secondly
, polluted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is another major reason for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
. During extreme summer season
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will suffer with shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
in their areas.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
from public wells, rivers and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
may not be pure. At this situation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
initiate facilities to purify
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
.
For example
, in Germany they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
purifier
Possible spelling mistake. ‘centres’ is British English.
centres
working with solar energy which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the cost involved.

Adding to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can introduce public gyms and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
fitness
Possible spelling mistake. ‘centres’ is British English.
centres
for common mans by charging an affordable fee. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do regular exercises without spending much.

“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
per the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
report published by a magazine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the money spend by public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
department is 75% of its total budget
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
. And
also
it seems to be rising. To avoid this
Possible spelling mistake found.
proble
, fund should be
properly
Possible spelling mistake. ‘utilised’ is British English.
utilised
for preventing illness
rather
than its treatment. There should be departments to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
conditions of the society.
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IELTS essay The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Goverment funding should reflect this. To what extend do you agree

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
339 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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