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Integrated quest 3: the professor expresses her opinion of the plan for the renovation of Old Main. report her opinion and explain the reasons that she gives for having that opinion. v.1

Integrated quest 3: the professor expresses her opinion of the plan for the renovation of Old Main. report her opinion and explain the reasons that she gives for having that opinion. v. 1
In this essay I will be discussing about if it's ethical to clone humans to harvest organs. I strongly disagree with such medical treatments and I will explain in the below paragraphs my view point. Even though medical science has made a lot of progress over the past few decades, there are some diseases which cannot be fixed by medicine or treatments. For example, kidney or heart failure in most cases would require an implant from a donor. It sounds like an easy option to clone humans to get the replacement body parts, but we have to think about the ethical implication of it. By cloning, we are artificially produce another human being who is same at a DNA level as the patient. Their memories and behaviour characteristics might be different, but they are still a living, breathing human being. Harvesting them for their organs means we will be killing one person for the survival of another which I believe is highly unethical. Also, cloning is not something that we can achieve in a small time frame. A cloned animal will take the same time to grow up as it's naturally born DNA donor. That is a long time for humans. There is some promising research happening with STEM cells, which will enable medical scientists to grow the just the organs in the laboratory. This will require only a shorter time compared to cloning. There are many companies who will collect and cryogenically freeze STEM cells as soon babies are born so that once the current research reaches mass production stages, people will be able to make use of them. To conclude, there are many upcoming treatment methods which don't have the moral implications of destroying a life to save another. Also, cost and duration of cloning will hinder its growth as a credible way of treating diseases.
In this essay I will be
Did you mean simply "discussing if"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discussing about if
it's ethical to clone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
to harvest organs. I
strongly
disagree with such medical treatments and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
in the below paragraphs my view point.

Even though
medical science has made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
progress over the past few decades, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
diseases which cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
by medicine or treatments.
For example
, kidney or heart failure
in most cases
would require an implant from a donor. It sounds like an easy option to clone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the replacement body parts,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the ethical implication of it. By
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cloning
, we are
artificially
Consider using a past participle here: "produced".
produce
another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
being who is same at a DNA level as the patient. Their memories and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
characteristics might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are
still
a living, breathing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
being. Harvesting them for their organs means we will be killing one person for the survival of another which I believe is
highly
unethical.

Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cloning
is not something that we can achieve in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
frame. A cloned animal will take the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to grow up as it's
naturally
born DNA donor.
That is
a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
. There is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
promising research happening with STEM cells, which will enable medical scientists to grow the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the organs in the laboratory. This will require
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a shorter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cloning
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
who will collect and
Possible spelling mistake found.
cryogenically
freeze STEM cells as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
babies
are born
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that once the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
research reaches mass production stages,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of them.

To conclude
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
upcoming treatment methods which don't have the moral implications of destroying a life to save another.
Also
, cost and duration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cloning
will hinder its growth as a credible way of treating diseases.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Integrated quest 3: the professor expresses her opinion of the plan for the renovation of Old Main. report her opinion and explain the reasons that she gives for having that opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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