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The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent so you agree? v.3

The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. v. 3
It is often argued that preventing health issues and diseases is better than treating them and hence the government should allocate appropriate budget for it. I completely agree with this view as it will help maintain a healthy lifestyle and save money on medical expenses in the future. Better still, a healthy population is happier and more productive. Firstly, if the government spends more money on promoting prevention methods it can encourage people to live a good and stress free life. In other words, if a person wants to live a healthy life he needs to prevent himself from indulging in bad habits such as eating fast food etc. However, individual efforts alone will not help. The government should also invest in highlighting the benefits of a healthy lifestyle by launching health awareness campaigns. Secondly, if the government gives more importance towards highlighting benefits of prevention it can help people save a lot of money on medical expenses. This is because by taking prevention measures people will not fall ill, thus saving money which would otherwise have been spent on medical treatment. For example, there has been a 10 percent reduction in the sale of cigarettes in India, after the Indian government launched a campaign highlighting the health consequences of smoking at all major bus and train stations. This has helped people save money which otherwise could have gone into treating illnesses related to smoking. In conclusion, I firmly believe that authorities should spend more on encouraging prevention as it will help people to stay healthy save money on medical bills.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that preventing health issues and diseases is better than treating them and
hence
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should allocate appropriate budget for it. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view as it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
maintain a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
expenses in the future. Better
still
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
population is happier and more productive.

Firstly
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
spends more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevention
methods it can encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
free life.
In other words
, if a person wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
life he needs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
himself from indulging in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits such as eating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food etc.
However
, individual efforts alone will not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
also
invest in highlighting the benefits of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle by launching health awareness campaigns.

Secondly
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
gives more importance towards highlighting benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevention
it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
expenses. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
by taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevention
measures
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not fall ill,
thus
saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
which would
otherwise
have
been spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
treatment.
For example
, there has been a 10 percent reduction in the sale of cigarettes in India, after the Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
launched a campaign highlighting the health consequences of smoking at all major bus and train stations. This has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
which
otherwise
could have gone into treating illnesses related to smoking.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
believe that authorities should spend more on encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevention
as it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
bills.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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