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Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? v.24

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. v. 24
Some people prefer secured jobs, others prefer jobs that are satisfying even though if the salary is less. While I admit that jobs with security and high wages is essential for peaceful living. In my opinion, job satisfaction is crucial in one's life to achieve career growth and success. To begin with, task contentment will give a sense of fulfilment that no money can guarantee, a person who likes his work does not need anyone to supervise his work and he will perform his task with utmost interest and concentration, which will eventually lead him to achieve more in less time. On the flip side, people who work for high wage are forced to push themselves to struggle every day, despite of high wages they often feel depressed and compromise with their conscience. This leads to performance lag or working for long hours. For example, most of the IT employees currently choose profession due to appealing wages, but eventually burn out unable to cope up with the pressures at work. By Contrast, doing what keeps you motivated leads to career growth. In other words, there is a strong relationship between job satisfaction and productivity. For example, Henry Miller, who decided to leave his daily wage despite the good wage and ventured to become a writer. After enduring years of ups and downs he became one of the most famous and well-paid authors of the twentieth century. To conclude, job satisfaction is more important than fixed income. If the people love their job, eventually, they will earn well.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer secured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, others prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
that are satisfying
even though
if the salary is less. While I admit that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
with security and high wages is essential for peaceful living. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction is crucial in one's life to achieve career growth and success.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, task contentment will give a sense of
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
that no money can guarantee, a person who likes his work does not need anyone to supervise his
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work and
he will perform his task with utmost interest and concentration, which will
eventually
lead him to achieve more in less time.

On the flip side,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who work for high wage
are forced
to push themselves to struggle every day,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
high wages they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
feel depressed and compromise with their conscience. This leads to performance lag or working for long hours.
For example
, most of the IT employees
currently
choose profession due to appealing wages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
eventually
burn out unable to cope up with the pressures at work.

By Contrast, doing what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
you motivated leads to career growth.
In other words
, there is a strong relationship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction and productivity.
For example
, Henry Miller, who decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
his daily wage despite the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
wage and ventured to become a writer. After enduring years of ups and downs he became one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and well-paid authors of the twentieth century.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
income. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
eventually
, they will earn well.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. v. 24

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
257 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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