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Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. Do you agree or disagree? v.10

Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. v. 10
It is often argued by some masses that, the richness, as the most prominent aspect, allows an individual to assist someone in hard times. I, however, disagree with the given notion, since there are numerous ways of helping the underprivileged people, and monetary aid is certainly not the best forms of aid. The foremost argument to support my viewpoint is that giving funding to the poor would be a rather shortsighted approach. It would satiate (cater) the needs for some time, whereas making one capable of standing on their own would be extremely advantageous for the long run. For example, providing literacy and job training is a better way of helping, as if we teach children of the slum area, with the knowledge that we have, would be unmatched to make them eligible for higher education and job prospects on the grounds of their literacy. Secondly, a timely helping hand when a person is suffering is better than helping with wealth. For instance, in natural calamities, such as earthquakes and floods, the immediate need of people is food and medical care. Many young people and celebrities volunteered to carry food and medicines to the needy, when there was a flood in some areas of Punjab and Kerala, in 2019. In the harsh times of crises, such help outstrips any help that money can provide. Opponents would argue that only the rich are in a position to help the poor as people need money for even the necessities of life, such as food, clothing, and shelter, because even providing schooling and job training to the destitute, needs funds. However, I still believe that the help in terms of personal effort provided by those who are, themselves, not so affluent is equally good. In conclusion, if one is rich, he/she is in a better situation to help others, who need the money and all the things, which money can provide. Nevertheless, I reiterate that one need not be rich as help can be provided in many better ways than with money.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
masses that, the richness, as the most prominent aspect,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
an individual to assist someone in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
times. I,
however
, disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
notion, since there are numerous ways of helping the underprivileged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and monetary aid is
certainly
not the best forms of aid.

The foremost argument to support my viewpoint is that giving funding to the poor would be a
rather
shortsighted approach. It would satiate (cater) the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time, whereas making one capable of standing on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
would be
extremely
advantageous for the long run.
For example
, providing literacy and job training is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
way of helping, as if we teach children of the slum area, with the knowledge that we have, would
be unmatched
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them eligible for higher education and job prospects on the grounds of their literacy.

Secondly
, a timely helping hand when a person is suffering is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than helping with wealth.
For instance
, in natural calamities, such as earthquakes and floods, the immediate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is food and medical care.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and celebrities volunteered to carry food and medicines to the needy, when there was a flood in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas of Punjab and Kerala, in 2019. In the harsh times of crises, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
outstrips any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can provide.

Opponents would argue that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the rich are in a position to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the poor as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for even the necessities of life, such as food, clothing, and shelter,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
even providing schooling and job training to the destitute,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
funds.
However
, I
still
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in terms of personal effort provided by those who are, themselves, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
affluent is
equally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.

In conclusion
, if one is rich, he/she is in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
situation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
others, who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and all the things, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can provide.
Nevertheless
, I reiterate that one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
not be rich as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
can
be provided
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
ways than with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. v. 10

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
339 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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