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The position of women in society has changed markedly

The position of women in society has changed markedly kbr3W
The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? The position of women in society underwent a massive takeover in terms of being homemaker to the status of employed. But I heavily disagree with the opinion of some people which says married and employed women's absence at home results in more children stepping towards violence. It is an undebatable fact that women as mothers play a larger role in bringing up the children and yet, it is absurd to ignore father's and school's role in shaping the child's personality and blame working women alone. Also plenty of working women do take care of their children when they are back home from work. Mother not being present at home does not automatically make the child go crazy and push him towards crimes as that would defaultly blame all single fathers just for being one. A child drifting towards violence can result from multiple factors such as negative influence from fellow societal members or some problem which they he or she could not share with anyone else and thus acting out due to stress resulting from it. School schedule, assignments, peer pressure and bullying by other students in some places are a lot to take in for any teenager in adolescent period. Also health and hormonal issues can play thier own part in the process. Thus, blaming mothers for going out to work to earn livelihood instead of figuring out the reason behind the childs behaviour is not unacceptable. Sadly, this opinion of society highlights the fact that position and responsibility of women in society hasn't truly changed and is yet to shape into a reality.
The position of
women
in
society
has
changed
markedly
in the last twenty years.
Many
of the problems young
people
now
experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that
many
married
women
now
work and are not at home to care for their children.

To what extent do you
agree
or disagree with this opinion?

The position of
women
in
society
underwent a massive takeover in terms of being homemaker to the status of employed.
But
I
heavily
disagree with the opinion of
some
people
which says married and employed women's absence at home results in more children stepping towards violence.

It is an
undebatable
fact that
women
as mothers play a larger role in bringing up the children and
yet
, it is absurd to
ignore
father's and school's role in shaping the child's personality and blame working
women
alone.
Also
plenty
of working
women
do take care of their children when they are back home from work. Mother not being present at home does not
automatically
make
the child go crazy and push him towards crimes as that would
defaultly
blame all single fathers
just
for being one.

A child drifting towards violence can result from multiple factors such as
negative
influence from fellow societal members or
some
problem which they he or she could not share with anyone else and
thus
acting out due to
stress
resulting from it. School schedule, assignments, peer pressure and bullying by other students in
some
places are a lot to take in for any
teenager
in adolescent period.
Also
health and hormonal issues can play
thier
own
part in the process.

Thus
, blaming mothers for going out to work to earn livelihood
instead
of figuring out the reason behind the
childs
behaviour
is not unacceptable.
Sadly
, this opinion of
society
highlights the fact that position and responsibility of
women
in
society
hasn't
truly
changed
and is
yet
to shape into a reality.
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IELTS essay The position of women in society has changed markedly

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
322 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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