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Some people think that media such as press, TV and the internet should be kept under control. Others think that they should be more loosened. How far will you agree with the loosening of news?

Some people think that media such as press, TV and the internet should be kept under control. Others think that they should be more loosened. How far will you agree with the loosening of news? WElK0
A section of society thinks that media platforms such as press, TV and the internet needed to be kept under strict control while others think that the media should be more loosened. However, I do not agree with this statement because it can also had a bad impact on children. To begin with, people think that media should be kept under control. To elaborate, bulletin sometimes contains details about criminal or murders which children often see in front of them and it creates a bad impact on their mind and they pretend to do such things in reality. For instance, recent research made by Cambridge University stated that nearly 45% of children are get affected by news about criminal activity. As a result, this proved to be an bad impact on their behaviour as well as on their personality. Furthermore, another reason for tightening of media is that due to hackers because hackers somehow try to enter in your phone or laptop system with the help of dark web simply by sending spam messages to the people and they click on allow which in turn made hackers to enter in our system which gradually they tried to expose our privacy. For example, famous hacker in USA (Julian Assange) hacked the system and expose the politicians in USA and later was caught by CBI. To sum up, media is beneficial to people to some extent. However it should be kept under strict circumstances.
A section of society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
platforms such as press, TV and the internet needed to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
under strict control while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
should be more loosened.
However
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can
also
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "have"
had
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on children.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
under control. To elaborate, bulletin
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
contains
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
about criminal or murders which children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in front of them and it creates a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
mind and
they pretend to do such things in reality.
For instance
, recent research made by Cambridge University stated that
nearly
45% of children are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by news about criminal activity.
As a result
, this proved to be
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
as well
as on their personality.

Furthermore
, another reason for tightening of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is that due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hackers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hackers
somehow try to enter in your phone or laptop system with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of dark web
simply
by sending spam messages to the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they click on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
which in turn made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hackers
to enter in our system which
gradually
they tried to expose our privacy.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hacker
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
(Julian
Possible spelling mistake found.
Assange
) hacked the system and expose the politicians
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
and later
was caught
by CBI. To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is beneficial to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
it should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
under strict circumstances.
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IELTS essay Some people think that media such as press, TV and the internet should be kept under control. Others think that they should be more loosened. How far will you agree with the loosening of news?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
242 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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