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In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes of the phenomenon and what are some of the possible solutions? v.2

In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes of the phenomenon and what are some of the possible solutions? v. 2
Many sports players are using drugs, which are prohibited because to enhance their productivity. The primary cause would be, its a shortcut to become famous, and the possible solution would be p health check-up and medical test before the game. The primary reason for taking banned drugs, players want to play extraordinary and want to be famous quickly. Typically, to perform well, players have to maintain their fitness to an optimal level and endurance as per game requirements. To keep such a level of fitness, the player has to perform extreme routine work out in a gym daily and regularly. The property of steroids or other illegal substances enhances their endurance level with lesser work out and in a shorter time, and they can perform well. As a result, they became a necessary commodity for the team; therefore, they can play for a longer duration. For example, many football players were caught taking steroids before the start of the game, and noticed that they all performed exceptionally well in their previous games. The possible solution is a medical check-up before every game. As with medical advancement, there are handy gadgets available to check the amount of exogenous chemicals in the blood or by the breath very quickly; that's the most potent way to detect players who involve in this illegal act. For instance, in recent years, there were many cricket players found guilty of indulging this unethical behaviour by medical tests before the game. Therefore, international cricket board took action and suspended them for a few years and enrolled them for the board rehabilitation program. In conclusion, I believe athletic taking prohibited performance-enhancing drugs to achieve quick fame. To curb this problem, the medical test of all players before every game must be mandatory.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
are using drugs, which
are prohibited
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
to enhance their productivity. The primary cause would be,
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
a shortcut to become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
, and the possible solution would be p health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
-up and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
the game.

The primary reason for taking banned drugs,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
want to play extraordinary and want to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
quickly
.
Typically
, to perform well,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
maintain their fitness to an optimal level and endurance as per game requirements. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
such a level of fitness, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
perform extreme routine work out in a gym daily and
regularly
. The property of steroids or other illegal substances enhances their endurance level with lesser work out and in a shorter time, and they can perform well.
As a result
, they became a necessary commodity for the team;
therefore
, they can play for a longer duration.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
were caught
taking steroids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
of the game, and noticed that they all performed
exceptionally
well in their previous games.

The possible solution is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
-up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
every game. As with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
advancement, there are handy gadgets available to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the amount of exogenous chemicals in the blood or by the breath
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
quickly
; that's the most potent way to detect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
who involve in this illegal act.
For instance
, in recent years, there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cricket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
found guilty of indulging this unethical
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
the game.
Therefore
, international cricket board took action and suspended them for a few years and enrolled them for the board rehabilitation program.

In conclusion
, I believe athletic taking prohibited performance-enhancing drugs to achieve quick fame. To curb this problem, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
every game
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be mandatory.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes of the phenomenon and what are some of the possible solutions? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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