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The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years

The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years JLmKD
"I totally agree with this statement in the sense that by far, the position of women has too many disadvantages, compared to that of men. At first, we must understand that difference between women and men is different according the society that we are talking. For that, I will talk only about occidental society, specifically Latin-American society. Even though Latin-American women have been being more included into the social development during last 50 years. This is not enough to claim that our society have achieved gender equality. Between those issues related with women revindication, we can talk about some rights that in theory, these have to be universal for all people, doesn’t matter your gender. For example, labor rights, suffrage, participation in political affairs, equal treatment, etc. Some may say that in the constitutions these rights are already respected for all, regardless of your gender. But actually, this does not happen, in Latin America the inequality between genders is very large. currently there are no labor guarantees for housewives, unemployed women, and sex workers. There are also no guarantees related to the issue of street harassment and rape of women"
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement in the sense that by far, the position of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
has too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages, compared to that of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. At
first
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
understand that difference between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
according the society that we are talking. For that, I will talk
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about occidental society,
specifically
Latin-American society.

“Even though” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Even though
Latin-American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have been being more included into the social development during last 50 years. This is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to claim that our society have achieved gender equality. Between those issues related with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
Possible spelling mistake found.
revindication
, we can talk about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rights that in theory, these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be universal for all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, doesn’t matter your gender.
For example
, labor rights, suffrage, participation in political affairs, equal treatment, etc.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
may say that in the constitutions these rights are already respected for all, regardless of your gender.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
actually, this does not happen, in Latin America the inequality between genders is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
large.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
currently
there are no labor guarantees for housewives, unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, and sex workers.

There are
also
no guarantees related to the issue of street harassment and rape of women
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
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IELTS essay The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
189 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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