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the position of women has changed a great deal

the position of women has changed a great deal OgNl7
"The position of the woman in the society had gone being a big problem in the past. During the last 50 years there were changing some extremly different thinkings about some topics in the society which were contrasting. In the same way, the society were achieving to adquiere a better positions in each of the affected contexts. One of these big problems is the recognizing of the women in the society. In order to understand if the position of the women in many societies has changed or not in the last 50 years and if the societies can or cannot achieve gender equality, I induced the development of the academy in the last 50 years, more specificly in the science. The history on the woman in the science is very short because in the past the people though that the academy were only to the men. For instance, one of the first woman in achieve a undergraduate program in a university (in germany) were Emmy Noether, she had to take the courses of the career in secret and when she finished the career the principal of the university did not wanted to give her the diplom, but her main investigation were so great that the principal had to allow her work. Furthermore, she helped to Albert Einstein in the develomplent of his General Relativity Theory. In contrast, we have to keep in mind that currently there are a lot of women victims of different crimes in all the society. Because this, finally, I think that the position of the women in the society has change in the last 50 years, and in some countires a gender equality has been achieved. But now, there is a new problem, ¿How is it going with the LGBTI+Q community? . . . "
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
of the woman in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
had gone being a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem in the past. During the last 50 years there were changing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
extremly
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different
Possible spelling mistake found.
thinkings
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
topics in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
which were contrasting.
In the same way
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
were achieving to
Possible spelling mistake found.
adquiere
a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
in each of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
contexts. One of these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problems is the recognizing of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in the society.

In order to understand if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
or not in the last 50 years and if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
can or cannot achieve gender equality, I induced the development of the academy in the last 50 years, more
Possible spelling mistake found.
specificly
in the science.

The history on the woman in the science is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
short
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because
in the past the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
though that the academy were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.
For instance
, one of the
first
woman in achieve
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
undergraduate program in a university (in
Possible spelling mistake found.
germany
) were Emmy
Possible spelling mistake found.
Noether
, she had to take the courses of the career in secret and when she finished the career the principal of the university did not
The verb 'did' requires the base form of the verb: "want"
wanted
to give her the
Possible spelling mistake found.
diplom
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
her main investigation were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
great that the principal had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
her work.
Furthermore
, she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to Albert Einstein in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
develomplent
of his General Relativity Theory.

In contrast
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in mind that
currently
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
victims of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
crimes in all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
this,
finally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the last 50 years, and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
countires
a gender equality has
been achieved
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, there is a new problem, ¿How is it going with the
Possible spelling mistake found.
LGBTI
+Q community?
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
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IELTS essay the position of women has changed a great deal

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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