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The pie chart below show the area and current population of the seven continent as a percentage of the total. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant. v.1

The pie chart below show the area and current population of the seven continent as a percentage of the total.
Many people argue that advertisement’s aim is the amount of consumption and condition of products are not improved. In my opinion, I completely agree with this argument There are several reasons why adverts encourage individuals to purchase in quantity rather than real value. The first important reason is that most of companies often provide customers a great number of special deals on buying more products. A good illustration for this is the KFC company providing one extra Coca Cola on purchase of any two hamburgers. Therefore, this advert can make the consumers have tended to buy these goods impulsively and spend more than actually required. The purpose of such proposition is to motivate people to buy items in larger number rather than in standard products. The second noticeably prominent reason is that some companies also provide prizes on buying their products. For instance, the customers can be announced to get a free abroad trip if they find one lucky code hidden under the cover of each item. They can be swayed by the prizes of advertisements. Therefore, they would think that they could have an opportunity to get this special prize and they keep on buying products until they get a free trip. Thus, the aim of this advertisement is to focus on selling products in a large number, not in condition. In conclusion, for the reasons I mentioned above, I strongly believe that, advertising often encourages us to purchase objects in a large in quantity rather than promote products in value. It would be better if the government could introduce some restrictions on the way of advertising to make this industry have a comprehensive development.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that advertisement’s aim is the amount of consumption and condition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this argument

There are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why adverts encourage individuals to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
in quantity
rather
than real value.

The
first
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that most of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
provide customers a great number of special deals on buying more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration for this is the KFC
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
providing one extra Coca Cola on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
of any two hamburgers.
Therefore
, this advert can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the consumers have tended to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
impulsively
and spend more than actually required. The purpose of such proposition is to motivate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
items in larger number
rather
than in standard products.

The second
noticeably
prominent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
also
provide prizes on buying their products.

For instance
, the customers can
be announced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a free abroad trip if they find one lucky code hidden under the cover of each item. They can
be swayed
by the prizes of advertisements.
Therefore
, they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they could have an opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
this special
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
prize and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
until they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a free trip.
Thus
, the aim of this advertisement is to focus on selling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in a large number, not in condition.

In conclusion
, for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
I mentioned above, I
strongly
believe that, advertising
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
encourages us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
objects in a large in quantity
rather
than promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in value. It would be better if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could introduce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
restrictions on the way of advertising to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this industry have a comprehensive development.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The pie chart below show the area and current population of the seven continent as a percentage of the total.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
276 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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