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the personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies and organizations.

Nowadays in our world, a lot of people give their personal information to online shops or companies to get some products or services. I do not disagree with this kind of sharing personal information, but only if it was a secure webshop. Overall, there are two different points of view on this topic which I will discuss in this text. Some people are completely distrustful to these kinds of companies, they believe that these businesses usually sell customers personal information as a product for more economical advantages. Another part of people has different concerns, they say there are a lot of internet-based criminal activities such as cyberattacks by hackers which can have access to our personal information and bank accounts as well. On the other hand, webshops and huge information companies support this method of sharing pe personal information. They explain that, by this information, we can find the needs, in addition, our target community to provide suitable products and services for them. Some security companies are on the same side, they think if we have enough information from our customers or services users it will become easier to provide more security moreover to dealing with hackers. Finally, it seems unavoidable to save our personal information forever in the age of technology and computer, but I think if we do not share our personal information in unsecure webshops or internet-based companies, we can use the advantages of technology without serious problem.
Nowadays in our world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
give their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
to online shops or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
products or services. I do not disagree with this kind of sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if it was a secure
Possible spelling mistake found.
webshop
.
Overall
, there are two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
points of view on this topic which I will discuss in this text.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are completely distrustful to these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
, they believe that these businesses
usually
sell customers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
as a product for more economical advantages. Another part of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
concerns, they say there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
internet-based criminal activities such as cyberattacks by hackers which can have access to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and bank accounts
as well
.

On the other hand
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
webshops
and huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
support this method of sharing
Possible spelling mistake found.
pe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
that, by this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, we can find the needs,
in addition
, our target community to provide suitable products and services for them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are on the same side, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
if we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
from our customers or services users it will become easier to provide more security
moreover
to dealing with hackers.

Finally
, it seems unavoidable to save our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
forever in the age of technology and computer,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
if we do not share our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
in unsecure
Possible spelling mistake found.
webshops
or internet-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the advantages of technology without serious problem.
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IELTS essay the personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies and organizations.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
241 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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