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The personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies and organizations.

Many giant web business establishments possess personal data collected from millions of their users all over the world. There must be some benefits and drawbacks of this situation, but I believe the flaws of it will outweigh the advantages. On the one hand, life will become more convenient if the number of internet-based firms managing pieces of individual information increasing. This is because people will not need to bring their physical identification or credit cards, which sometimes causes a huge problem when lost. In fact, multiple businesses, banks, in particular, have started to offer digital credit cards, and the feedback from their clients has been very positive as the possibility of losing it is significantly low. Also, powerful security strategies can be applied to protect the personal data, which is more reliable than the action individual can take. On the other hand, the concern about the leak of personal details and identity theft has been growing. Most companies based on the internet try their utmost to build a strong firewall, but it is also true that hackers' techniques are progressing. As a result, a single day does not pass without news reporting that individuals' vital information, such as bank account details, social registration numbers and so on. This is something that should be worried because such data is traded in the black market and used for international fraud, and the victims have no clue until the police approach to them. In conclusion, there are both upsides and downsides of people's details being handled by plenty of online companies. Therefore, it seems to me that we lose more than we gain from personal data collection done by independent business organisations due to a higher chance of leakage and involvement in the rime.
Many
giant web business establishments possess
personal
data
collected from millions of their users all over the world. There
must
be
some
benefits and drawbacks of this situation,
but
I believe the flaws of it will outweigh the advantages.

On the one hand, life will become more convenient if the number of internet-based firms managing pieces of individual information increasing. This is
because
people
will not need to bring their physical identification or credit cards, which
sometimes
causes a huge problem when lost. In fact, multiple businesses, banks,
in particular
, have
started
to offer digital credit cards, and the feedback from their clients has been
very
positive
as the possibility of losing it is
significantly
low.
Also
, powerful security strategies can
be applied
to protect the
personal
data
, which is more reliable than the action individual can take.

On the other hand
, the concern about the leak of
personal
details
and identity theft has been growing. Most
companies
based on the internet try their utmost to build a strong firewall,
but
it is
also
true that hackers' techniques are progressing.
As a result
, a single day does not pass without news reporting that individuals' vital information, such as bank account
details
, social registration numbers and
so
on. This is something that should
be worried
because
such
data
is traded
in the black market and
used
for international fraud, and the victims have no clue until the police approach to them.

In conclusion
, there are both upsides and downsides of
people
's
details
being handled
by
plenty
of online
companies
.
Therefore
, it seems to me that we lose more than we gain from
personal
data
collection done by independent business
organisations
due to a higher chance of leakage and involvement in the rime.
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IELTS essay The personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies and organizations.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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