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The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last tenyears. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In the last decade many more children in western world have experienced the overweight trend from the very early age. This negative trend is most of the time due to junk food and lack of sport activities and it can cause different social and psychological difficulties in different groups of people/ambiences. Almost twenty percent is the increasing figure of children which used to have fast food or prepared meals with no nutritional values and big amount of chemicals components. Indeed, lack of food knowledge and cooking time by parents allows these children to consume several types of food that could have a dramatic impact on kid, especially in the long term. Moreover, the small costs of these meals make the customers even satisfied. Likewise, bad sedentary habits of young people can increase the overweight possibilities because being healthy means not only to eat healthy food but also to do athletic activities constantly. The overweight of these children, on the other end, makes them target for bully kids that used to make fun of others during schooltime. Consequently, being stereotyped at small ages can bring children to spend tough times and encounter psychological problems, even across entire life. Due to these types of struggle children used to become shy and less friendly to the others, increasing negative consequences of their body structure. Therefore, this overweight problem could seem an unfavorable loop despite cases in which motivated people invert his weight resultsacross different stages of life. To conclude I would like to say that overweight is significant social problem which must be resolved soon as possible in young people because it is bigger than most of the people think it is. Governments should provide food knowledge and sport facilities to reduce the number of overweighted people.
In the last decade
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many
more
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children
in western world have experienced the
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overweight
trend from the
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very
early age. This
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negative
trend is most of the time due to junk
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food
and lack of sport
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
activities and
it can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
social and psychological difficulties in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
groups of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
/
Possible spelling mistake found.
ambiences
.

Almost twenty percent is the increasing figure of
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children
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to have
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fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
or prepared meals with no nutritional values and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
amount of chemicals components.
Indeed
, lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
knowledge and cooking time by parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
these
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children
to consume several types of
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food
that could have a dramatic impact on kid,
especially
in the long term.
Moreover
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
costs of these meals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the customers even satisfied.
Likewise
,
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bad
sedentary habits of young
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people
can increase the
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overweight
possibilities
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because
being healthy means not
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only
to eat healthy
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food
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but
also
to do athletic activities
constantly
.

The
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overweight
of these
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children
, on the other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them target for bully kids that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
fun of others during
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schooltime
.
Consequently
,
being stereotyped
at
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small
ages can bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to spend tough times and encounter psychological problems, even across entire life. Due to these types of struggle
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children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to become shy and less friendly to the others, increasing
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negative
consequences of their body structure.
Therefore
, this
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overweight
problem could seem an unfavorable loop despite cases in which motivated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
invert his weight
Possible spelling mistake found.
resultsacross
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different
stages of life.

To conclude
I would like to say that
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overweight
is significant social problem which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be resolved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible in young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is bigger than most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
should provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
knowledge and sport facilities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweighted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last tenyears. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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