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The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last 10 years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last 10 years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend KO79
In recent years, a large number of children have been struggling from obesity due to the consumption of many unhealthy products and bad attitudes. This essay will emphasize the reasons and consequences of this desease. Firstly, children are usually attracted by the consumption of eating fast food and industrial juices that are extremely hazardous for their health due to the enormous amount of sugar and fat that these products contains. In addition to that, parents find it difficult to try to convince their children to eat healthy food at home like vegetables and fruits due to the fact that they see their favorite cartoons in advertisement eating junk food, also they encourage them to win toys through the consumption. For instance, my cousin refuses to eat meals at home and their parents always try to ban him for ordering fast food to home but he just stops eating until they bring him what he requested, in recent years he faced a lot of health problems. Furthermore, children nowadays spend more time palying video games rather than practicing sport activities which help them lose weight and burns calories. Obviously, the uncontrolled use of food that contains a high of amount of industrial products lead to a harmful causes for the heatlh. For example, children these days suffer from heart problems and diabetes, for this reason, they are supposed to make injections daily to regulate the amount of sugar in their body. In addition to that, lack of daily activities affects badly children’s well-being. To conclude, it is extremely important to encourage children to practice sport through organised group activities which can motivate them to give up on bad habits like eating junk food, not only this but also this can keep them away from spending a lot of time watching TV shows and playing video games whithout making any body movement.
In recent years,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have been struggling from obesity due to the consumption of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
unhealthy products and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
attitudes. This essay will emphasize the reasons and consequences of this
Possible spelling mistake found.
desease
.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
usually
attracted by the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and industrial juices that are
extremely
hazardous for their health due to the enormous amount of sugar and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
that these products contains.
In addition
to that, parents find it difficult to try to convince their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to eat healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at home like vegetables and fruits due to the fact that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their favorite cartoons in advertisement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
also
they encourage them to win toys through the consumption.
For instance
, my cousin refuses to eat meals at home and their parents always try to ban him for ordering
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
until they bring him what he requested, in recent years he faced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
health problems.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
nowadays spend more time
Possible spelling mistake found.
palying
video games
rather
than practicing sport activities which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them lose weight and burns calories.

Obviously
, the uncontrolled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that contains a high of amount of industrial products lead to a harmful
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "cause"?
causes
for the
Possible spelling mistake found.
heatlh
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
these days suffer from heart problems and diabetes,
for this reason
, they
are supposed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
injections daily to regulate the amount of sugar in their body.
In addition
to that, lack of daily activities affects
badly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
well-being.

To conclude
, it is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to practice sport through
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
group activities which can motivate them to give up on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them away from spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time watching TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and playing video games
Possible spelling mistake found.
whithout
making
Did you mean "anybody"?
any body
movement.
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IELTS essay The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last 10 years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
310 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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