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The percentage of male and female teachers in six different tyoes of educational setting in the UK in 2010 v.1

The percentage of male and female teachers in six different tyoes of educational setting in the UK in 2010 v. 1
Nowadays, many companies are installed inside the town. Their emplacement cause many issues, such as traffic congestion during the rush hour and living problems. I think that moving factories outside the city could be the solution. In this essay, I will discuss both parts of this question and give several reasons to my viewpoint. First of all, people decided to live near their place of work. For this reason, their main preoccupation is to find a house or a flat close to their job. However, the problem is that companies are generally installed in the capitals and it is hard to find a good apartment with an attractive price their. In fact, the apartments are smaller than a studio and are very expensive. For example, in France the minimum for a 9 square meter is about 1000€ per month. It represents three quarter of the lowest salary in this country. Therefore, this could be possible only if they can find a flat. Indeed, it is rare to find something in the town so they have to expend their research to the suborn. While, in the countryside, this is the opposite. Moreover, traditionally, active people begin and finish their work at the same time. In consequence, this will create a rush time during which everyone will use public transport and make roads busy for a while. According to the professor Montgomery in his article for the CNRS, 60% of the circulation congestion are caused by the worker. I believe that moving industries somewhere else will reduce by half the amount of cars on the roads. Thus, stress and hours spending in the car per day will decrease considerably. In conclusion, companies having their office in the town are the origin of many issues, such as traffic congestion and housing. I am sure that if companies are moved, at least in the suborn a lot of actual issues will be resolved.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are installed
inside the town. Their emplacement
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "causes".
cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues, such as traffic congestion during the rush hour and living problems. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that moving factories outside the city could be the solution. In this essay, I will discuss both parts of this question and give several reasons to my viewpoint.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
near their place of work.
For this reason
, their main preoccupation is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
or a flat close to their job.
However
, the problem is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are
generally
installed in the capitals and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
apartment with an attractive price their. In fact, the apartments are smaller than a studio and are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive.
For example
, in France the minimum for a 9 square meter is about
The currency mark is usually put at the beginning of the number: "€1000".
1000€
per month. It represents
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
three quarter
of the lowest salary in this country.
Therefore
, this could be possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
a flat.
Indeed
, it is rare to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
something in the town
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
expend their research to
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'suborn' is correct. If 'suborn' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the suborn
. While, in the countryside, this is the opposite.

Moreover
,
traditionally
, active
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
and finish their work at the same time. In consequence, this will create a rush time during which everyone will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
public transport and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
roads busy for a while. According to the professor Montgomery in his article for the CNRS, 60% of the circulation congestion
are caused
by the worker. I believe that moving industries somewhere else will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
by half the amount of cars on the roads.
Thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and hours spending in the car per day will decrease
considerably
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
having their office in the town are the origin of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues, such as traffic congestion and housing. I am sure that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
, at least in
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'suborn' is correct. If 'suborn' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the suborn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
actual issues will
be resolved
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The percentage of male and female teachers in six different tyoes of educational setting in the UK in 2010 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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