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The past 30 years have seen massive advances in technology, however these advances in technology may have more negative than positive effects in the future. To what extent do you agree with this view?

The past 30 years have seen massive advances in technology, however these advances in technology may have more negative than positive effects in the future. 1VM3y
Although, it is a common belief among the society that the significant advancement in technology which was taken place in the time period of 30 years has more demerits and merits. I disagree with this statement to a large extent for many reasons. My position is argued for the with explanation. Firstly, due to the development in technology people can spend more time with their family members. As now most of the companies provide work from home option. As a result of this, now employee does not need to commute to their workplace. By this the left with several hours which they used to spend on travel and spend that extra time with family and in doing some recreational activities. Secondly, bi search friend government successfully able to decline the number of crime. As in past it was impossible to monitor activities of linking roads and main highways at night time. But now with the aid of night-vision cameras police officers can easily kept their eye on people. To add to this, now special devices are installed by government on roads to monitor the speed of each and every vehicle. To avoid major accidents and injuries. Lastly, it drastically improves healthcare services. As by using robotic equipments now patients get more accurate as well as affordable treatment. To illustrate, after the invention of laser treatment it became way more easy for doctors to do eye surgeries. As in past it tooks hours to complete search surgery as well as there was also so high possibilities of getting post operation problems. To conclude, the development in technology improved many field dramatically and also provides many benefits to the individual as well. So, it has way more advantages than disadvantages.
Although, it is a common belief among the society that the significant advancement in technology which
was taken
place in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
period of 30 years has more demerits and merits. I disagree with this statement to a large extent for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons. My position
is argued
for the with explanation.
Firstly
, due to the development in technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their family members.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
provide work from home option.
As a result
of this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
employee does not need to commute to their workplace. By this the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with several hours which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to spend on travel and spend that extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with family and in doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
recreational activities.
Secondly
, bi search friend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
successfully
able to decline the number of crime. As in past it was impossible to monitor activities of linking roads and main highways at night
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
with the aid of night-vision cameras police officers can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
their eye on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
special devices
are installed
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
on roads to monitor the speed of each and every vehicle. To avoid major accidents and injuries.
Lastly
, it
drastically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
healthcare services. As by using robotic equipments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
patients
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more accurate
as well
as affordable treatment. To illustrate, after the invention of laser treatment it became way more easy for doctors to do eye surgeries. As in past it
Possible spelling mistake found.
tooks
hours to complete search surgery
as well
as there was
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
high possibilities of getting post operation problems.
To conclude
, the development in technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
Possible agreement error. The noun field seems to be countable; consider using: "many fields".
many field
dramatically
and
also
provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to the individual
as well
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it has way more advantages than disadvantages.
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IELTS essay The past 30 years have seen massive advances in technology, however these advances in technology may have more negative than positive effects in the future.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
288 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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