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the organization of worldwide sporting events

the organization of worldwide sporting events Ow8J7
There has been controversy about the organization of worldwide sporting events. While It is believed that this tendency can have detrimental impacts on the home country, others think that the hosting nation can take particular advantages. In this essay, I will consider both viewpoints before giving my idea. To begin with, those who support the viewpoint that hosting country can yield certain benefits. First, organizing a global sports event may help promote the national image. It is true that the holding a world-class sports tournaments can bring a huge number of tourists to the country. Therefore, hosting a international event successfully can build the reputation and dignity of the host country all over the world. In addition, the increase of visitors can lead to economic benefits. For instance, cities that holding the Olympics can provide some resort and travel services, so the government spending may be risen significantly. However, supporters of those who believe that hosting a worldwide sporting events can have disadvantaged effects on the home nation. First and foremost, in order to host a international event, the government needs to renovate existing sports facilities or build a new one, which means a huge amount of money may be spend on such investments. In addition, with a large number of tourists, the number of public transport tend to be increase dramatically. Therefore, plenty of serius traffic congestion can be happened. In conclusion, although holding a global sports event can induce some problem such as traffic congestion or the reduction of the government budget, I contend that the advantages of hosting a international sports event are more meaningful to the host nation.
There has been controversy about the organization of worldwide sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
. While It
is believed
that this tendency can have detrimental impacts on the home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hosting
nation can take particular advantages. In this essay, I will consider both viewpoints
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
giving my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, those who support the viewpoint that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hosting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can yield certain benefits.
First
, organizing a global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
promote the national image. It is true that the holding a world-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
tournaments can bring a huge number of tourists to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hosting
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
successfully
can build the reputation and dignity of the host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
all over the world.
In addition
, the increase of visitors can lead to economic benefits.
For instance
, cities that holding the Olympics can provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
resort and travel services,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spending may
be risen
significantly
.

However
, supporters of those who believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hosting
a worldwide sporting
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "event"?
events
can have disadvantaged effects on the home nation.
First
and foremost, in order to host
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
needs to renovate existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities or build a new one, which means a huge amount of money may be
Consider using the past participle "spent"?
spend
on such investments.
In addition
, with
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
tourists, the number of public transport tend to be increase
dramatically
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
serius
traffic congestion can
be happened
.

In conclusion
, although holding a global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
can induce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problem such as traffic congestion or the reduction of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
budget, I contend that the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hosting
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
are more meaningful to the host nation.
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IELTS essay the organization of worldwide sporting events

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
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