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Many office authorities impose a restriction on smoking within the office premises. Some governments have even banned smoking in all public places. This is a good idea but it takes away some of our freedom. What are your opinions on this? v.4

Many office authorities impose a restriction on smoking within the office premises. Some governments have even banned smoking in all public places. This is a good idea but it takes away some of our freedom. What are your opinions on this? v. 4
In this pop culture and materialistic scenario, inhalation of various drugs has become a trend among youngsters as well as adults. However, it is a moot issue that whether tobacco products should be banned in office premises and other public places or not. I concur with this notion to a limited extent. This essay will scrutinize both virtues and will give a sophisticated solution. There are a plenty of reasons that Government and private authorities should ban the smoking, as, this is an acceptable fact that smoking is injurious to health. Also, it causes numerous health problems such as lung cancer, throat cancer, respiratory problems, weakening of muscles and so on. Not just this, smoking is a passive activity which can cause health issues to the non-smokers just by inbreathe the smoke. For instance, an American survey has shown that almost 10% individuals suffer from breathing problems due to the smog of cigarettes. On the flip side, if a government only ban the smoking in office premises while allows the production, vending and trading of such products than it raises a question if government seriously wants to ban cigarettes? Rather than imposing restrictions on the employee' s government should obsolete the production of cigarettes. Apart from this, in lieu of the prohibition of the usage of smoking, the companies should update their policy of hiring and stop hiring the populace of chain smokers or they can also develop a different smoking room with proper ventilation so that it cannot ruin the office environment and smokers can fulfill their thirst. Mulling over the topic, although smoking in no way acceptable but the alternative ways should opt for the smokers and it should be forbidden from public places.
In this pop culture and materialistic scenario, inhalation of various drugs has become a trend among youngsters
as well
as adults.
However
, it is a moot issue that whether tobacco products should
be banned
in office premises and other public places or not. I concur with this notion to a limited extent. This essay will scrutinize both virtues and will give a sophisticated solution.

There are a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of reasons that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
and private authorities should ban the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
, as, this is an acceptable fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is injurious to health.
Also
, it causes numerous health problems such as lung cancer, throat cancer, respiratory problems, weakening of muscles and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is a passive activity which can cause health issues to the non-smokers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by
Possible spelling mistake found.
inbreathe
the smoke.
For instance
, an American survey has shown that almost 10% individuals suffer from breathing problems due to the smog of cigarettes.

On the flip side, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
ban the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in office premises while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the production, vending and trading of such products than it raises a question if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
seriously
wants to ban cigarettes?
Rather
than imposing restrictions on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
employee&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should obsolete the production of cigarettes. Apart from this, in lieu of the prohibition of the usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should update their policy of hiring and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
hiring the populace of chain
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
smokers or
they can
also
develop a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
room with proper ventilation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it cannot ruin the office environment and smokers can fulfill their thirst.

Mulling over the topic, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in no way acceptable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the alternative ways should opt for the smokers and it should
be forbidden
from public places.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Many office authorities impose a restriction on smoking within the office premises. Some governments have even banned smoking in all public places. This is a good idea but it takes away some of our freedom. What are your opinions on this? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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