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The only way to solve the increasing crime rate of young offenders is to teach parents better parenting skills. To what extent do you agree? Write at least 250 words. v.7

The only way to solve the increasing crime rate of young offenders is to teach parents better parenting skills. v. 7
Adolescence is a critical period in a child's life, and if he/she is not guided in the right direction during this age, it will have a negative impact on his/her life. Some people believe that, parents should put efforts to improve their parenting skills, so that, they are able to teach their children to differentiate between right & wrong and develop into a contributing citizen to the society. I completely agree with this argument, and in this essay, I will put forth my views with suitable examples. Firstly, children grow up watching their parents, hence it is important for them to be good role models. For example, in a research conducted by FBI in USA, found that, 70 % of the serial killers currently serving in jail blame their bad childhood experiences for their misfortunes. Moreover, parents need to develop good parenting skills to make their children aware of the negative influences in our society. Secondly, A child's first impression of the society is formed through their parents, hence it is important for parents to impart good social values to their children. For example, it was Lincoln's mother who taught him the importance of empathy, and how it can help him become a better person, this particular trait ultimately helped him become the president of the United states of America. To sum up, I believe, good parenting is very important in the overall development of a child. Childhood experiences will have a lifelong impact on a person, hence it is the important for parents to realize this and hone their skills accordingly
Adolescence is a critical period in a child's life, and if he/she is not guided in the right direction during this age, it will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on his/her life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should put efforts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their parenting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that, they are able to teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to differentiate between right &
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and develop into a contributing citizen to the society. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this argument, and in this essay, I will put forth my views with suitable examples.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grow up watching their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
hence
it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for them to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
role models.
For example
, in
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
conducted by FBI
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
, found that, 70 % of the serial killers
currently
serving in jail blame their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
childhood experiences for their misfortunes.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
need to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
parenting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
aware of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences in our society.

Secondly
, A child's
first
impression of the society
is formed
through their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
hence
it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to impart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
social values to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
, it was Lincoln's mother who taught him the importance of empathy, and how it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him become a better person, this particular trait
ultimately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
him become the
If the term is a proper noun, use the suggested capitalization.
president of the United states
of America.

To sum up, I believe,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
parenting is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
in the
overall
development of a child. Childhood experiences will have a lifelong impact on a person,
hence
it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to realize this and hone their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
accordingly
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The only way to solve the increasing crime rate of young offenders is to teach parents better parenting skills. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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