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The only effective way to deal with unemployment is to introduce rapid urbanization

The only effective way to deal with unemployment is to introduce rapid urbanization 8JVgB
Unemployment is increasing at an alarming rate. Some people deem that to curb this problem, rapid urbanization is the only solution that will turn out to be effective. Whereas, I disagree with this notion as there are many more ways to increase the employment rate. To initiate with, the first and foremost way to tackle unemployment is to bring an industrial revolution in the nation. As the number of industries increases, the demand for labor would automatically increase due to the increase in jobs and jobs in the country. According to British studies, it is surveyed that in 1956 about USA after doubling the number of industries, the unemployment rate was fall down by 43%. Hence, making employment opportunities accessible by improving the secondary sector would prove useful in controlling unemployment. Moreover, providing funds to the citizens of the country to set up their own businesses is a good idea. Most people are not able to establish their venture in light of the fact that of a lack of investment even if they have talents. As, a large population increases the competition in the job market. For one vacant post, there will be several qualified professionals applying for it. Even urbanization doesn’t guarantee that a person would get employment according to his/her qualifications. Thus, government should develop rural area and provide loan to people to get employment, so decrease of the unemployment rate. Conclusion, although control jobless growth in an economy yet the aforementioned are some ways rather than rapid urbanization which tackles this problem effectively
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Unemployment
is increasing at an alarming rate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
deem that to curb this problem, rapid urbanization is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
solution that will turn out to be effective. Whereas, I disagree with this notion as there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more ways to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
rate.

To initiate with, the
first
and foremost way to tackle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
is to bring an industrial revolution in the nation. As the number of industries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increases
, the demand for labor would
automatically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in jobs and jobs in the country. According to British studies, it
is surveyed
that in 1956
A determiner is probably missing here: "about the USA".
about USA
after doubling the number of industries, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
rate was fall down by 43%.
Hence
, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
opportunities accessible by improving the secondary sector would prove useful in controlling unemployment.

Moreover
, providing funds to the citizens of the country to set up their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
businesses is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are not able to establish their venture in light of the fact that of a lack of investment even if they have talents.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
, a large population
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increases
the competition in the job market. For one vacant post, there will be several qualified professionals applying for it. Even urbanization doesn’t guarantee that a person would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
according to his/her qualifications.
Thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should develop rural area and provide loan to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
decrease of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
rate.

Conclusion, although control jobless growth in an economy
yet
the aforementioned are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways
rather
than rapid urbanization which tackles this problem
effectively
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IELTS essay The only effective way to deal with unemployment is to introduce rapid urbanization

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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