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government spend their money in different areas

government spend their money in different areas MwJBk
Nowadays, government spend their money in different areas. They must allocate funds on public services instead of investing in the music and theatre art which are considered an unnecessary expense. In my point of view, government must go through on civil services. In spite of importance of public life, the government have more likely to invest on arts and music. I concur with my statement. I will explain both negatives and positive impact on this essay. Firstly, there are many facilities for people such as hospital, schools, roads and water that have really acceptable reason to put money on them. First, the local council spends tons of fund on public welfare. Furthermore, 20% of the people in our country are fit and health. Remaining 80% of the people are poor and are devoid of basic amenities such as food, health and employment. The Indian law should improve better on the public services than on encouraging on entertainment purposes. For example, the Indian authority spent millions of hard cash on Statue of Liberty in Ahmedabad. It is waste of construction and waste of money. Because by spending that money they can design a new bus for rural areas or plan a new route for village areas. Although, it is negative to spend money on artistic building, I believe in some ways there are essential to our country. On the other hand, the art and music help to obtain profit and importance. However, a number of people come to India for sight-seeing and get to know about history of the art sculptures in this country. For instance, every year many people visit India to seen art museum and enjoy the traditions and culture of our country. Beside that, entertainment is also important for people. Many people get great pleasure in going to see music and theatre performances so it is important that the government assists such institutions so that they can continue to provide entertainment to the public. To conclude, in the light of what have been discussed, although, recreational activities are of a high value for one's well-being, it is still not deserving government spending. It is highly recommended that the construction of public facilities should be given the foremost consideration.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
allocate funds on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
services
instead
of investing in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
which
are considered
an unnecessary expense. In my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
go through on civil services.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
life, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
have more likely to invest on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. I concur with my statement. I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
both negatives and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on this essay.

Firstly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
facilities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as hospital, schools, roads and water that have
really
acceptable reason to put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on them.
First
, the local council spends tons of fund on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
welfare.
Furthermore
, 20% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in our country
are fit
and health. Remaining 80% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are poor and are devoid of basic amenities such as food, health and employment. The Indian law should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
better on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
services than on encouraging on entertainment purposes.
For example
, the Indian authority spent millions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
cash on Statue of Liberty in Ahmedabad. It is waste of construction and waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
by spending that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they can design a new bus for rural areas or plan a new route for village areas. Although, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on artistic building, I believe in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways there are essential to our country.

On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to obtain profit and importance.
However
, a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to India for sight-seeing and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know about history of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
sculptures in this country.
For instance
, every year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visit India to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
museum and enjoy the traditions and culture of our country. Beside that, entertainment is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
great pleasure in going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
performances
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
assists such institutions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can continue to provide entertainment to the public.

To conclude
, in the light of what have
been discussed
, although, recreational activities are of a high value for one's well-being, it is
still
not deserving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
spending. It is
highly
recommended that the construction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
facilities should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the foremost consideration.
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IELTS essay government spend their money in different areas

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
370 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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