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The older generations tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view? v.8

The older generations tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life. with this view? v. 8
About 30 years ago, the　live's　our　parents　and　grandparents　are　very　different　now, 　at　that　time　They　had　no　the　opportunity to contact the digital life like today. But I don’t think that the opinion of the elderly is no longer useful for the young generation. The older person has valuable experiences that can be passed on and are also helpful labour forces of society. No matter what era, there is the old persons and they are the one who experience many things, especially they have a lot of knowledge about aspects of life. Although the young people are quick-witted, they should listen to the advices from the elderly in order to have a better direction. For example: When we establish a company, we have to face many challenges for the first time. But if there is a senior consultant to support, it will help more and less the company. However, we might rely too much on the elderly human, we should absorb and think in our own way. Although the old person has no much strength, in return, they still have the mind. Be able to find the jobs are right them. I think those are an abundant source of labour for the society. Those who have a job will be cut down the boredom at home and have additional income and reduce the burden of society. For instance: In Japan, the country has the most eldest persons in the world. The government knows how to create employment for them such as teaching Japanese language for foreigners or celebrate volunteer clubs. Nevertheless, The old person should too acquire some new knowledge so that they not backward with the younger generation. In conclusion, every generation has its own advantages and disadvantages. We should not distinguish each other. The old and young people have to complement and develop together.
About 30 years ago, the　
Do not use 's with a verb. Did you mean "lives"?
live's
　our　parents　and　grandparents　are　
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
　
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
　
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
　
at　that　time　They　had　
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
　the　opportunity to contact the digital life like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the opinion of the elderly is no longer useful for the young generation. The older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
has valuable experiences that can
be passed
on and are
also
helpful
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
forces of society.

No matter what era, there is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
persons and
they are the one who experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things,
especially
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
knowledge about aspects of life. Although the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are quick-witted, they should listen to the advices from the elderly in order to have a better direction.
For example
: When we establish a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
challenges for the
first
time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if there is a senior consultant to support, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
more and less the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
However
, we might rely too much on the elderly human, we should absorb and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way.

Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
has no much strength, in return, they
still
have the mind. Be able to find the jobs are right them. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
those are an abundant source of
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
for the society. Those who have a job will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down the boredom at home and have additional income and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the burden of society.
For instance
: In Japan, the country has the
Use only "eldest" (without 'most') when you use the superlative.
most eldest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
in the world. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
knows how to create employment for them such as teaching Japanese language for foreigners or celebrate volunteer clubs.
Nevertheless
, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
should
Did you mean "to acquire"?
too acquire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they not backward with the younger generation.

In conclusion
, every generation has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantages and disadvantages. We should not distinguish each other. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
and young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
complement and develop together.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The older generations tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life. with this view? v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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