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The numbers of Underground Station Passengers in London

The numbers of Underground Station Passengers in London K3BLN
Nowadays have seen a dramatic increase in the dependence of smoking. In this essay I intend to argue that this kind of cigarettes and other tobacco products are detrimental both to the individuals that consume it and to society at large. So I consider that the public health government should ban these products. There are two primary reasons for this. First of all, it is an undeniable fact that smoking to excess results in serious health problems. Tobacco products such as cigarettes, cigars, bidis, kreteks - which are incredibly high in poisonous substances - are responsible for such ailments as cancer, lung diseases, tuberculosis. Consequently, these ailments causes of premature death. Furthermore, smoke of cigarettes is detriment to the health of others, such as children, pregnants, non-smokers. Further and even more importantly that smoking is unaffordable for individuals and they have to spend more money for cigarettes. It is harmful to their family budgets. By way of conclusion, I consider that smoking should be prohibited by law. Given the health risks associated with this trend, I believe that the education campaigns warning people about the dangers of smoking would be warranted.
Nowadays have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a dramatic increase in the dependence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
. In this essay I intend to argue that this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
and other tobacco products are detrimental both to the individuals that consume it and to society at large.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I consider that the public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should ban these products. There are two primary reasons for this.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is an undeniable fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
to excess results in serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems. Tobacco products such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
, cigars,
Possible spelling mistake found.
bidis
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
kreteks
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
which are
incredibly
high in poisonous substances
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
are responsible for such ailments as cancer, lung diseases, tuberculosis.
Consequently
, these ailments causes of premature death.
Furthermore
, smoke of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
is detriment to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of others, such as children,
Possible spelling mistake found.
pregnants
, non-smokers.

Further
and even more
importantly
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is unaffordable for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
individuals and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend more money for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
. It is harmful to their family budgets.

By way of conclusion, I consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
should
be prohibited
by law.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
associated with this trend, I believe that the education campaigns warning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
would
be warranted
.
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IELTS essay The numbers of Underground Station Passengers in London

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
191 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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