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the number of students who choose to study math is low why do you think this is ?

the number of students who choose to study math is low why do you think this is? XD2gw
It has been observed that the amount of pupils who decide to study mathematics as their university major is decreased. I believe exploring the causes of this problem may assist in finding suitable solutions to resolve it. Firstly, old-fashion method of study mathematics accounts for lack of interest in student in order to continue study this lesson in at university. For instance once I was talking to my father who was graduated thirty years ago, I figured out that the lessons in which I have studied is similar to my father and the method is quite the same. However technology which has been developed base on mathematics has extremely changed. In my opinion if people who design a mothed for studying math change the way mathematics is taught by using modern technology, it can help remedy this situation. Secondly, teachers usually design rough exams for students, this, also explains why pupils are not fond of this lesson anymore. The exams are always harder than the examples that are taught in the class. In this case pupils recognize that no matter how much time they study, their score will be less. For example although a friend of mine was always enjoy solving our problem in this lesson, achieving less score made him mad so that he never continue to study this lesson. To conclude, even though old-fashion method and hard exams contribute to lack of interest in pupils, designers who create methods for study mathematics and teachers can help remedy the situation. In my opinion, changing the way this subject is taught by developing new one and taking an standard exam are steps in the right direction.
It has
been observed
that the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
decide to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
as their university major
is decreased
. I believe exploring the causes of this problem may assist in finding suitable solutions to resolve it.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
accounts for lack of interest in student in order to continue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
in at university.
For instance
once I was talking to my father
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
was graduated
thirty years ago, I figured out that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
in which I have studied is similar to my father and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
is quite the same.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
technology which has
been developed
base on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
has
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. In my opinion if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
design a
Possible spelling mistake found.
mothed
for studying math
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
is taught
by using modern technology, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
remedy this situation.

Secondly
, teachers
usually
design rough exams for students, this,
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
are not fond of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
anymore. The exams are always harder than the examples that
are taught
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
In this case
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
recognize that no matter how much time they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, their score will be less.
For example
although a friend of mine was always enjoy solving our problem in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
, achieving less score made him mad
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that he never continue to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
this lesson.

To conclude
,
even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
exams contribute to lack of interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
, designers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
and teachers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
remedy the situation. In my opinion, changing the way this subject
is taught
by developing new one and taking
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
standard exam are steps in the right direction.
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IELTS essay the number of students who choose to study math is low why do you think this is?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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