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As the pandemic continues in Vietnam, as well as extended lockdowns, the mental health and well-being of many individuals is suffering. What factors are responsible for this trend? What are some solutions you can suggest to help people who are dealing with mental health problems connected to this crisis?

As the pandemic continues in Vietnam, as well as extended lockdowns, the mental health and well-being of many individuals is suffering. What factors are responsible for this trend? What are some solutions you can suggest to help people who are dealing with mental health problems connected to this crisis? JKdEE
It is true that if the coronavirus pandemic taking place in Vietnam, there will be long-lasting quarantine, and this is leading to negatively impact inhabitants ‘s health and happiness. While this is a serious problem, it can be confronted by taking up favorite hobbies. The main cause of mental health risks is that the extremely dangerous virus occurred and made the society lockdown and people are under intense pressure to succeed. Our habitat facilitates the spread of this disease, thus the bacteria varied fast and harm the human. Therefore, the government issued the quarantine. People are not allowed to go outside if community has infected dwellers. As a result, people experience high degree of intension at home, which has a negative effect on their health. In fact, in a recent survey conducted on the non-infected and infected citizens in Viet Nam, if 10 people are self-quarantine, 1 person has serious mental problem. Especially, children is easy to feel depressed due to the fact that they can travel or play with their friends However, there are numerous solutions to this risks. One of the way to cope with mental health problems is looking for hobbies that can forget the pressure one faces in their own lives. A physical or mental activity help improving health, and assist people in stopping thinking about their worries about pandemic. Furthermore, parents should play or study with their children in order to the kids and adults can think positively and alleviate the pressure when the blockage continues. For example, workout at home is becoming popular in Vietnam in the recent years because people said that they feel full of beans when do exercises. Moreover the relationship between parents and kid improved significantly through interesting activities. The positive energy they generate from these hobbies can tackle mental health issues. To sum up, it is clear that the hazardous virus and blockage caused people’s mental risks. Nevertheless, the issue can be resolved by finding a hobby to release the stress.
It is true that if the coronavirus pandemic taking place in Vietnam, there will be long-lasting quarantine, and this is leading to
negatively
impact
Did you mean "inhabitant‘s" or "inhabitants‘"?
inhabitants ‘s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and happiness. While this is a serious problem, it can
be confronted
by taking up favorite hobbies.

The main cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
is that the
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
virus occurred and made the society lockdown and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are under intense pressure to succeed. Our habitat facilitates the spread of this disease,
thus
the bacteria varied
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and harm the human.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
issued the quarantine.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to go outside if community has infected dwellers.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
experience high degree of
Possible spelling mistake found.
intension
at home, which has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. In fact, in a recent survey conducted on the non-infected and infected citizens in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viet
Nam, if 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are self-quarantine, 1 person has serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
problem.
Especially
, children is easy to feel depressed due to the fact that they can travel or play with their friends

However
, there are numerous solutions to
Did you mean "these"?
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
. One of the way to cope with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems is looking for hobbies that can forget the pressure one faces in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. A physical or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
activity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to improve" or "improve".
improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, and assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in stopping thinking about their worries about pandemic.
Furthermore
, parents should play or study with their children in order to the kids and adults can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
positively
and alleviate the pressure when the blockage continues.
For example
, workout at home is becoming popular in Vietnam in the recent years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
said that they feel full of beans when do exercises.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
the relationship between parents and kid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
significantly
through interesting activities. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
energy they generate from these hobbies can tackle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues.

To sum up, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the hazardous virus and blockage caused
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.
Nevertheless
, the issue can
be resolved
by finding a hobby to release the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
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IELTS essay As the pandemic continues in Vietnam, as well as extended lockdowns, the mental health and well-being of many individuals is suffering. What factors are responsible for this trend? What are some solutions you can suggest to help people who are dealing with mental health problems connected to this crisis?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
332 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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