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The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What are the reasons behind increasing weight by people? What are the possible solutions?

The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What are the reasons behind increasing weight by people? What are the possible solutions? kL3yn
The list of persons who are in danger of critical health issues due to obesity is bolstering. There are plenty of reasons for this situation and steps are needed to control the excess fat accumulation by the people. There are two main reasons behind gaining weight by individuals. Firstly, the availability of junk food outlets across the street, and advertisement related to unhealthy cuisines such as burgers and pizzas, attract kids and youngsters. Secondly, lack of physical activity due to a sedentary lifestyle. For instance, even visiting the nearest place people make use of vehicles instead of walking. Finally, imbalance in sleeping schedule either due to stress or job-related satisfaction also contributes to increased body weight. There are certain solutions to tackle this problem. To begin with, toxic food advertisement needs to be banned. In addition, high taxes must be imposed on oily junk food, consequently, the middle class will hesitate to buy. Also, gyms and cycling are to be promoted. Furthermore, the proper nutritious diet plan is to be made by referring to a dietitian. Last but not least, working hours ought to be set up to improve sleep patterns. In conclusion, there are several factors of increasing body fat, but this can be resolved by possible solutions and guidance.
The list of persons who are in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of critical health issues due to obesity is bolstering. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of reasons for this situation and steps
are needed
to control the excess
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
accumulation by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. There are two main reasons behind gaining weight by individuals.
Firstly
, the availability of junk food outlets across the street, and advertisement related to unhealthy cuisines such as burgers and pizzas, attract kids and youngsters.
Secondly
, lack of physical activity due to a sedentary lifestyle.
For instance
, even visiting the nearest place
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of vehicles
instead
of walking.
Finally
, imbalance in sleeping schedule either due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
or job-related satisfaction
also
contributes to increased body weight. There are certain solutions to tackle this problem. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, toxic food advertisement needs to
be banned
.
In addition
, high taxes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be imposed
on oily junk food,
consequently
, the middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
will hesitate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
.
Also
, gyms and cycling are to
be promoted
.
Furthermore
, the proper nutritious diet plan is to
be made
by referring to a dietitian. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, working hours ought to
be set
up to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
sleep patterns.
In conclusion
, there are several factors of increasing body
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this can
be resolved
by possible solutions and guidance.
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IELTS essay The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What are the reasons behind increasing weight by people? What are the possible solutions?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
211 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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