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Having control over money

Having control over money G31Ro
Some people believe that controlling children’s budget should be a subject taught at school. I personally think that this would help children manage their expenditure and spend their money wisely. First of all, emphasizing upon money beyond limits would cause a child to be stressed all the time. Due to being subjected to continuous stress, a child would have depression, harming his mind. Moreover, it may lead children to think that making money is the only measure of success and happiness. On the other hand, there are many benefits of teaching children about money management. Firstly, when a child realizes the value of money, he is more likely to develop skills and habits that would make them great money-savers. In addition, awareness about the money value will help a child succeed in every aspect of his life. He would know how and where to spend his money to. Since he is likely to be financially stable, he might also have a stable family. Therefore, the outcome of learning about money management will have astounding effects on a child’s future. In conclusion, children must learn about the significance of money in life at school. Being able to have a good grasp of managing money, children will be prone to be more successful and have financial freedom.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that controlling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
budget should be a subject taught at school. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
manage their expenditure and spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
wisely
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, emphasizing upon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
beyond limits would cause a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
all the time. Due to
being subjected
to continuous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
would have depression, harming his mind.
Moreover
, it may lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
measure of success and happiness.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits of teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management.
Firstly
, when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
realizes the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, he is more likely to develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and habits that would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them great money-savers.
In addition
, awareness about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
value will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
succeed in every aspect of his life. He would know how and where to spend his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to. Since he is likely to be
financially
stable, he might
also
have a stable family.
Therefore
, the outcome of learning about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management will have astounding effects on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
future.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
learn about the significance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in life at school. Being able to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grasp of managing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will be prone to be more successful and have financial freedom.
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IELTS essay Having control over money

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
215 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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