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THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE AT RISK OF SERIOUS HEALTH PROBLEM DUE TO BEING OVERWEIGHT IS INCREASING.

THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE AT RISK OF SERIOUS HEALTH PROBLEM DUE TO BEING OVERWEIGHT IS INCREASING. OyXgk
Regardless of all the advancements in medical science and awareness regarding serious health problems like being overweight, still these problems are increasing rapidly. In this essay, we will discuss the reasons and solutions regarding this fatal problem. With all the advancements in the world, people don’t have a lot of time to spend on themselves. Our work schedules have changed. Our job requires to be online all day. This has affected our balance in life. Now we prefer not to waste time on making food. Rather we enjoy buying it from outside. Secondly, With the increase in population density, people have lesser space in homes, not convenient enough to cook. Since, unhealthy food is cheap and more convenient, people are forced to buy it. Hence eating all day from outside has led to many health problems. A lot of articles are written in order to create awareness, still we have not seen any remarkable results. What is missing in my view is situations. We have to create situations where healthy food is more easily available than unhealthy food. MNCs should have messes for their employees which serve healthy food. Taxes should be increased on unhealthy food. Supermarkets should serve healthy foods on front shelves. Restaurants should be checked by health authorities. Unfortunately, being overweight causes a lot of serious health issues. One should control themselves as well as the people around them and promote eating healthy.
Regardless of all the advancements in medical science and awareness regarding serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems like being overweight,
still
these problems are increasing
rapidly
. In this essay, we will discuss the reasons and solutions regarding this fatal problem.

With all the advancements in the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don’t have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time to spend on themselves. Our work schedules have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. Our job requires to be online all day. This has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
our balance in life.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
we prefer not to waste time on making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Rather
we enjoy buying it from outside.
Secondly
, With the increase in population density,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have lesser space in homes, not convenient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to cook. Since, unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
and more convenient,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
eating all day from outside has led to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
articles
are written
in order to create awareness,
still
we have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
any remarkable results. What is missing in my view is situations. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
create situations where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is more
easily
available than unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
MNCs
should have messes for their employees which serve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. Taxes should
be increased
on unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. Supermarkets should serve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
on front shelves. Restaurants should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checked
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
authorities.

Unfortunately, being overweight causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues. One should control themselves
as well
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around them and promote eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
.
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IELTS essay THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE AT RISK OF SERIOUS HEALTH PROBLEM DUE TO BEING OVERWEIGHT IS INCREASING.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
236 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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