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The number of old people is increasing in many countries. What can be the reasons? Is it a positive or a negative trend?

The number of old people is increasing in many countries. What can be the reasons? Is it a positive or a negative trend? 1kLVN
In contemporary society, the overpopulated elderly in a plethora of nations has been one of the fiercely debated phenomena. From my perspective, I am going to discuss the reason behind this trend and numerous adverse effects that have arisen as a result of this. There is a primary reason why the percentage of senior generation is rising in many countries. Ordinarily, upon having the advancement of the medical system, individuals will have a long life expectancy. This means that those who have old age sickness are more likely to be cured, given that the progress of the health system might assist people to cure some hazardous diseases. For instance, Germany is one of the countries having the most developed healthcare in the world and an old population. Additionally, this phenomenon is a negative trend by virtue of an adverse impact. One of the major issues associated with this is the lack of laborers, meaning that upon increasing senior citizens, the nation may struggle to look for young employees. According to that, the old generation will be burdened on the national budget when a plethora of companies has to spend time and money to select foreign workers. For example, the rate of elderly citizens in Japan is the highest in comparison with others, so Japan has to recruit numerous foreign laborers every year. In conclusion, it is clear that there is a reason for the number of old people is going up by virtue of medical development. In addition, this trend leads to negative consequences for numerous countries, including a lack of employees. (262)
In contemporary society, the overpopulated elderly in a plethora of nations has been one of the
fiercely
debated phenomena. From my perspective, I am going to discuss the reason behind this trend and numerous adverse effects that have arisen
as a result
of this.

There is a primary reason why the percentage of senior generation is rising in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries.
Ordinarily
, upon having the advancement of the medical system, individuals will have a long life expectancy. This means that those who have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
age sickness are more likely to
be cured
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that the progress of the health system might assist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to cure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hazardous diseases.
For instance
, Germany is one of the countries having the most developed healthcare in the world and an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
population.

Additionally
, this phenomenon is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend by virtue of an adverse impact. One of the major issues associated with this is the lack of laborers, meaning that upon increasing senior citizens, the nation may struggle to look for young employees. According to that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
generation will
be burdened
on the national budget when a plethora of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
spend time and money to select foreign workers.
For example
, the rate of elderly citizens in Japan is the highest
in comparison
with others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Japan
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
recruit numerous foreign laborers every year.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that there is a reason for the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is going up by virtue of medical development.
In addition
, this trend leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences for numerous countries, including a lack of employees.

(262)
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IELTS essay The number of old people is increasing in many countries. What can be the reasons? Is it a positive or a negative trend?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
262 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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