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NOWADAYS IN MANY COUNTRIES THE PRAPORTION OF OLDER POPULATION IS HEIGHER THAN OF YOUNGER POPULATION. IS IT NEGATIVE OR POSITIVE DEVELOPMENT?

NOWADAYS IN MANY COUNTRIES THE PRAPORTION OF OLDER POPULATION IS HEIGHER THAN OF YOUNGER POPULATION. IS IT NEGATIVE OR POSITIVE DEVELOPMENT? w7PmE
The ratio of new population to old generation is variable with respect to time. It has been observed that count of older population is exceeding younger ones in various countries. However, I firmly support that this is going to be negative development. Consequently, above mentioned view will be elaborated in ensuing paragraph. To commence with foremost reason is drastically decrement in ability to do work with old age. Old people can not work as efficient as younger can. And for forth coming era of modernization effective hard work will be essential factor for growth. To illustrate, 45year old man can not have enough stamina to work as much as man of 25year can do. However, such age number can give adverse effect on working capabilities as well as efficiency, which directly affect on growth. Furthermore, it is very hard to cope with new science skills for old population. Because they prefer slow and peaceful lifestyle. More importantly one need to be updated with upgraded trend of technology in order to live smart life. For example, survey shows that a plethora of old generation still don not manage to use smartphones which is essential part of fast life. Whereas world is moving too fast in such direction of smart automation. Factors like this can give adverse effects on development. After agglomerating all the points elaborated above, to conclude in my opinion, I firmly believe that it is going to be negative development. In the light of fact that country need generation that do work hard with on-going technology to increase revenue of country. Albeit for such old group it is hard task to cope with situation in this competitive era.
The ratio of new population to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
generation is variable with respect to time. It has
been observed
that count of older population is exceeding younger ones in various countries.
However
, I
firmly
support that this is going to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development.
Consequently
, above mentioned view will
be elaborated
in ensuing paragraph.

To commence with foremost reason is
drastically
decrement in ability to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
age.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as efficient as younger can. And for forth coming era of modernization effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will be essential factor for growth. To illustrate, 45year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
can not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
stamina to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as much as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
of 25year can do.
However
, such age number can give adverse effect on working capabilities
as well
as efficiency, which
directly
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on growth.

Furthermore
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to cope with new science
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
population.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they prefer slow and peaceful lifestyle. More
importantly
one need to
be updated
with upgraded trend of technology in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
smart life.
For example
, survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
generation
still
Did you mean "do not"?
don not
manage to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
smartphones which is essential part of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
life.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
world is moving too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
in such direction of smart automation. Factors like this can give adverse effects on development.

After agglomerating all the points elaborated above,
to conclude
in my opinion, I
firmly
believe that it is going to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development. In the light of fact that country need generation that do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
with
Did you mean "ongoing"?
on-going
technology to increase revenue of country. Albeit for such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
group it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
task to cope with situation in this competitive era.
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IELTS essay NOWADAYS IN MANY COUNTRIES THE PRAPORTION OF OLDER POPULATION IS HEIGHER THAN OF YOUNGER POPULATION. IS IT NEGATIVE OR POSITIVE DEVELOPMENT?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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