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The museum is not a commercial activity, so the policy of free admission and entrance fees for students when studying at the museum is very correct.

The museum is not a commercial activity, so the policy of free admission and entrance fees for students when studying at the museum is very correct. 1AOB7
It is true that the museum is a nonprofit activity that is engineered to provoke the educational environment. Therefore, the proposal of the complimentary cost of entry fees for students is very precise. However, I reckon that the museum should charge and this essay will address some reasons for both sides. On the one hand, plenty of advocates of students not paying for museums could cite various compelling reasons, one of which is that most museums have raised the colossal amount of money in governmental sponsorship which is extracted from residents' taxes. Therefore, if people were charged with the museums, they would consider that their budget which are obligated to be collected by political organization monthly are overused in the other purposes but not to enhance the museums. Another possible reason is poverty-stricken children being exposed to the adept knowledge of museums. In other words, in some developing countries, some families are so poor that they diametrically cannot allocate their income to the museums trips, so free admissions and entrance fee will facilitate for those children to acquire more adeptly prehistoric knowledge in the museums. On top of that, I am in favor of that fee for the museums should be free because that way is propulsion for museums to flourish. Correspondingly, the money that museums get from their customers will be used to better their facilities and services. In fact, although museums are allocated by governments from the taxes, that is insufficient for them to refurbish their equipment because of the chronological sabotaging. Moreover, if those whose occupation related to historic domains were paid desirably, they experience a higher level of ambition and motivation to attain more achievements what aggressively contribute to social understanding. In conclusion, despite various sensible advantages of complimentary fee of museums, I believe that cost is an imperative for museums to thrive.
It is true that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
is a nonprofit activity that
is engineered
to provoke the educational environment.
Therefore
, the proposal of the complimentary cost of entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
for students is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
precise.
However
, I reckon that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
should charge and this essay will address
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons for both sides.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of advocates of students not paying for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
could cite various compelling reasons, one of which is that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
have raised the colossal amount of money in governmental sponsorship which
is extracted
from residents' taxes.
Therefore
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were charged
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, they would consider that their budget which
are obligated
to
be collected
by political organization monthly
are overused
in the other purposes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not to enhance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
. Another possible reason is poverty-stricken children
being exposed
to the adept knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
.
In other words
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
families are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
poor that they
diametrically
cannot allocate their income to the
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "museums'" or "museum's"?
museums
trips,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
free admissions and entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
will facilitate for those children to acquire more
adeptly
prehistoric knowledge in the museums.

On top of that
, I am in favor of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should be free
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that way is propulsion for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
to flourish.
Correspondingly
, the money that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from their customers will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to better their facilities and services. In fact, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are allocated
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
from the taxes,
that is
insufficient for them to refurbish their equipment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the chronological sabotaging.
Moreover
, if those whose occupation related to historic domains
were paid
desirably
, they experience a higher level of ambition and motivation to attain more achievements what
aggressively
contribute to social understanding.

In conclusion
, despite various sensible advantages of complimentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, I believe that cost is an imperative for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
to thrive.
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IELTS essay The museum is not a commercial activity, so the policy of free admission and entrance fees for students when studying at the museum is very correct.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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