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happiness is related to money or not

happiness is related to money or not eAkWJ
Happiness is not a same thing for everyone. It means by people idea’s, opinion’s. life style has changed during human lifetime and its philosophy has changed too. Philosophers, poets and scientists have published many books about life, happiness and …. Like Aristotle a greek philosophers or Hafez an Iranian poet who used to live before us. From different resources we can find a many issues about happiness. Money could not guranteed our happiness. For example Pablo Escobar was one of the famous drug dealers who born in Colombia. In his era he was the richest man on the world. In one his escapes he burnt 100 million dollar to warmth his family. He was not happy because always polices wanted to find him. On the other hand Alexander Chamberlinovsky. He died 1996 in a small village near the Moscow. He was member of Soviet Army. He lost his feet during the second world war and Germany Army killed his two sons in west of Russia. After war government recorded his assets like his old family farm because of his political activities(but they never proved). They earned money from his wife activities like tailoring. His neighbors helped him because they knew that he is not guilty! In 1988 government gave his old family back but he spent most of his life in poor situation. After this happening reporters went to his home and asked many questions from him but there was a question that bolded on all russian’s newspaper that’s time. Reports asked him: ” Mr. Chamberlinovsky, What is your feel now? ” he said: ” Nothing has changed because before this day I had a wife that I loved her and she loved me too, today we love each other and tomorrow we will love each other again” This example shows that happiness in not related to money 100%. Happiness will make from our sight to the world and it’s actions!
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Happiness
is not a same thing for everyone. It means by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
’s, opinion’s.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
life
style has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
during human lifetime and its philosophy has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
too. Philosophers, poets and scientists have published
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
books about life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
and …. Like Aristotle a
Possible spelling mistake found.
greek
philosophers or
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hafez
an Iranian poet who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
us. From
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
resources we can find a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. Money could not
Possible spelling mistake found.
guranteed
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
For example
Pablo Escobar was one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
drug dealers who born in Colombia. In his era he was the richest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
on the world. In one his escapes he burnt 100 million
Possible agreement error. The noun 'dollar' seems to be countable, so consider using: "dollars".
dollar
to warmth his family. He was not happy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
always polices wanted to find him.
On the other hand
Alexander
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chamberlinovsky
. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
1996 in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
village near the Moscow. He was member of Soviet Army.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
He
lost his feet during the second world war and Germany Army killed his two sons in west of Russia. After war
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
recorded his assets like his
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
family farm
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his political activities(
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they never proved). They earned money from his wife activities like tailoring. His neighbors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they knew that he is not guilty!

In 1988
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
gave his
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
family back
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he spent most of his life in poor situation. After this happening reporters went to his home and asked
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
questions from him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there was a question that bolded on all
Possible spelling mistake found.
russian
’s newspaper that’s time.

Reports asked him:
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
”
Mr.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chamberlinovsky
, What is your feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
? ” he said:
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
”
Nothing has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
this day I had a wife that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
her and
she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
me too,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
each other and tomorrow we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
each other again”

This example
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in not related to money 100%.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Happiness
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
from our sight to the world and it’s actions!
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IELTS essay happiness is related to money or not

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
321 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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