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the museum admission is more beneficial than not

the museum admission is more beneficial than not NlQ3q
Museums which are labelled of culture, art, history… play an important role in our society. They are known as the secondary school where we directly learn various information to increase our knowledge. It is clearly believed that the museum admission is more beneficial than not. This essay will cover a number of reasons to agree with this opinion. Firstly, income from purchasing tickets contributed to renovate and develop the museum. Most museums were over active for a long time, which led to downgraded infrastructures. As a result, money from clients dropping by there would be used to improve infrastructures and quality of services. For example, everyday the Vietnamese national museum earns approximately 5000$ from people who want to visit this famous place. Therefore, the significant income was used to keep quality up and productively renovate the museum to be one of the most popular historical places in Vietnam. In addition, selling tickets for admission supports the function of the museum more effective. The main reason is purchasing the ticket helps staff know the number of clients to service in the best condition. Each organization has limited human resources so apportioning people is a crucial task. For example, the Ho Chi Minh museum limits 100 people coming in once to prevent being out of control so their staff could take care of clients. In conclusion, I agree with the view that the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the drawbacks. However, a suitable price is needed so that most people can access the museum. Nevertheless/On the other hand, museums should have a reasonable price for their tickets so as to not spoil the fun of visiting the museum as well as give access to all people of the community.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
which
are labelled
of culture, art, history… play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in our society. They
are known
as the secondary school where we
directly
learn various information to increase our knowledge. It is
clearly
believed that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
admission is more beneficial than not. This essay will cover a number of reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion.

Firstly
, income from purchasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tickets
contributed to renovate and develop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
were over active for a long time, which led to downgraded infrastructures.
As a result
, money from clients dropping by there would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
infrastructures and quality of services.
For example
,
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
the Vietnamese national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
earns approximately
The currency mark is usually put at the beginning of the number: "$5000".
5000$
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who want to visit this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
place.
Therefore
, the significant income was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
quality up and
productively
renovate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
to be one of the most popular historical places in Vietnam.

In addition
, selling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tickets
for admission supports the function of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
more effective. The main reason is purchasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ticket
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
staff know the number of clients to service in the best condition. Each organization has limited human resources
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
apportioning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is a crucial task.
For example
, the Ho Chi Minh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
limits 100
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
coming in once to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
being out of control
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
their staff could take care of clients.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the view that the advantages of charging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for admission to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
outweigh the drawbacks.
However
, a suitable price
is needed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can access the museum.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Nevertheless
/
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should have a reasonable price for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tickets
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
not spoil the fun of visiting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
as well
as give access to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the community.
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IELTS essay the museum admission is more beneficial than not

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
291 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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