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The movement of people from villages to cities for work can cause serious problems in both places. What are the serious problems associated with this? What measures can be taken to solve these problems?

The movement of people from villages to cities for work can cause serious problems in both places. What are the serious problems associated with this? What measures can be taken to solve these problems? MJPo
City life is more complex but better rewarding with respect to financial advantage. In the light of the fact lot of people immigrate from rural to the cities for better life and money. It leads to enormous issues at both places, In the following paragraph I will try to explain with examples. Firstly a yearly influx lead's to increment in the monthly rentals because of increased demand. Secondly wages goes down as more people competing for same work hence the person who is willing to work at minimum salary gets the job. On the other hand traffic in the cities get really bad. Lot of cars and passengers can lead to traffic jams, surge in accidents because not every person following the rules. Consequently lead to air and noise pollution. More over People who don't get desired results ends in illegal activities, Like selling drugs, Theft and Robbing. Eventually they get caught and Their dream of good life ends that very moment. Influx to megalopolitan area lead to detrimental events for villages, Life there encircled around agriculture, Therefore movements ends in shortage of work force. Consequently agriculture sectors is effected. If we observe larger picture mentioned above, This can lead to surge in imports specially edible goods to meet the need, Hence might ends in price hike of goods. On the other hand country side get neglected more and more because of less population as well as no one demanding for the improvisation and development. Hence stay underdeveloped. At the end I want to conclude by mentioning that movements of people is bad for both villages as well as cities.
City
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is more complex
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
better rewarding with respect to financial advantage. In the light of the fact lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
immigrate from rural to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
for better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and money. It leads to enormous issues at both places, In the following paragraph I will try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
with examples.
Firstly
a yearly influx lead's to increment in the monthly rentals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of increased demand.
Secondly
wages goes down as more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
competing for same work
hence
the person who is willing to work at minimum salary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
the job.

On the other hand
traffic in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
. Lot of cars and passengers can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to traffic jams, surge in accidents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not every person following the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Consequently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to air and noise pollution. More over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
desired results
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ends
in illegal activities, Like selling drugs, Theft and Robbing.
Eventually
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
caught and Their dream of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ends
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
moment. Influx to
Possible spelling mistake found.
megalopolitan
area
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to detrimental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
for villages,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Life
there encircled around agriculture,
Therefore
movements
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ends
in shortage of work force.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Consequently
agriculture sectors
is effected
. If we observe larger picture mentioned above, This can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to surge in imports
specially
edible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the need,
Hence
might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ends
in price hike of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
On the other hand
country side
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
neglected more and more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of less population
as well
as no one demanding for the improvisation and development.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
stay underdeveloped.

At the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
end
I want
to conclude
by mentioning that movements of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for both villages
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
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IELTS essay The movement of people from villages to cities for work can cause serious problems in both places. What are the serious problems associated with this? What measures can be taken to solve these problems?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
270 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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