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The movement of people from agricultural areas to cities to work can cause serious problems in both places. What are the serious problems and what measures can be taken to solve this problems

The movement of people from agricultural areas to cities to work can cause serious problems in both places. What are the serious problems and what measures can be taken to solve this problems P8Dw
Nowadays, many people who move from agricultural areas to cities to work may cause some serious problems in both places. This essay will discuss some serious problems that can be caused by them and some solutions will be provided. Firstly, the population density in the cities will be increased and in the agricultural areas will be decreased if people choose to move to the cities for their employment. Not only there are becoming so crowned in the cities but also pollution issues such as air pollution and noise pollution. Furthermore, if many people who have their own vehicles drive to the cities for works every day, it will cause the traffic jams that the numbers of vehicles are driving on the road and at the meanwhile, it will also cause air pollution from the vehicles which are releasing exhaust gas on the road. For example, Hong Kong where is a quite small city in China has a high population density that too many people including mainland China and foreigners are living in Hong Kong, especially most of them are staying in Hong Kong island and Kowloon for works and lives. In other words, they may influent the environment although they can be easy to make more money in the cities than in agricultural areas. Lastly, the governments should be encouraged to build more business buildings around agricultural areas in order to make a balance the population density between the city and agricultural areas. At the same time, it can be effective to reduce the pollution problems such as air pollution and noise pollution. More roads and train stations should be considered extending and constructing around the cities and agricultural areas in order to improve the traffic jams issue. Thus, people who have their own vehicles can change their mind that they can take a train instead of driving on the road even if they need to work in the cities. In conclusion, although people can find more opportunities to seek jobs in the cities than in agricultural areas, it can cause some environmental and social problems at the same time. Thus, the government should start to think about my above suggestions for improvement.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in both places. This essay will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
that can
be caused
by them and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions will
be provided
.

Firstly
, the population density in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
will
be increased
and in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
will
be decreased
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
for their employment. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
there are becoming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
crowned in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
issues such as air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
and noise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
.
Furthermore
, if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
drive to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
for works every day, it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
the traffic jams that the numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
are driving on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
and at the meanwhile, it will
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
which are releasing exhaust gas on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
.
For example
, Hong Kong where is a quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
city in China has a high population density that too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
including mainland China and foreigners are living in Hong Kong,
especially
most of them are staying in Hong Kong island and Kowloon for works and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
In other words
, they
The word 'influent' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
may influent
the environment although they can be easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more money in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
than in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
areas.

Lastly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should
be encouraged
to build more business buildings around
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a balance the population density between the city and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. At the same time, it can be effective to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
and noise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
. More
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
and train stations should
be considered
extending and constructing around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the traffic jams issue.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their mind that they can take a train
instead
of driving on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
even if they need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the cities.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can find more opportunities to seek jobs in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
than in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
environmental and social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
at the same time.
Thus
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about my above suggestions for improvement.
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IELTS essay The movement of people from agricultural areas to cities to work can cause serious problems in both places. What are the serious problems and what measures can be taken to solve this problems

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
363 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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