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A lot of people believe that the amount of violence shown on TV and in the cinema affects the actions of our young people and therefore vy the amount of violence in our society today. Do you agree or desagree with tgis statement ? What can be done to reduce violence in our society today ?

A lot of people believe that the amount of violence shown on TV and in the cinema affects the actions of our young people and therefore vy the amount of violence in our society today. What can be done to reduce violence in our society today? P8DB
In this modern era, crimes are increasing day by day. Many citizens think that TV and cinema may be responsible for this because most of the programs shown on this platform are based on violence. I support this statement. Although, it can be decreased by some appropriate steps. My inclination would be discussed in forthcoming paragraphs. Out of all the reasons, the foremost one to prove my point is freedom of media. For instance, nowadays there are many "OVER THE TOP" platforms which show web series and a lot of movies and it has no requirements for censor board certificate. So, they stream many films and shows with lots of offences acting for their channel TRP. And more and more people, especially youngsters, usually use this. As a result, people can easily move towards the wrong path and they do some aggressive activity. Furthermore, TV programs may be cause for misunderstanding. Due to some crime alert shows such as crime petrol and savdhan India gives new ideas about illegal works to offenders. For example, they will be aware of how the police system works and what is the mistake that criminals usually do. Finally, some youth are more attracted to wrong things hence, they try to do it in their real life and society gets violent. However, it can be reduced by some relevant steps by the authority. Firstly, they must take strict action on entertainment media and ban some aggressive shows. Secondly, organise some awareness programs for the public. Last but not in list that the government provides censor board certification in OTT platforms. All the above things help to decrease violence in society. To sum up, it can be said that despite a positive impact. My reason is that people are more attracted to the wrong direction rather than catch the good things. But it can also be reduced by taking a few actions.
In this modern era, crimes are increasing day by day.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
citizens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that TV and cinema may be responsible for this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the programs shown on this platform
are based
on violence. I support this statement.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, it can
be decreased
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
appropriate steps. My inclination would
be discussed
in forthcoming paragraphs.

Out of all the reasons, the foremost one to prove my point is freedom of media.
For instance
, nowadays there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
OVER THE TOP
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
platforms which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
web series and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
movies and it has no requirements for censor board certificate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they stream
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
films and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
with lots of
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
acting for their channel TRP. And more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
youngsters,
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
towards the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
path and
they do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aggressive activity.

Furthermore
, TV programs may
Did you mean "because"?
be cause
for misunderstanding. Due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
crime alert
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
such as crime petrol and
Possible spelling mistake found.
savdhan
India gives new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
about illegal works to offenders.
For example
, they will be aware of how the police system works and what is the mistake that criminals
usually
do.
Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "youths"?
youth
are more attracted to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
things
hence
, they try to do it in their real life and society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
violent.

However
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
relevant steps by the authority.
Firstly
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take strict action on entertainment media and ban
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aggressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
.
Secondly
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
awareness programs for the public. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not in list that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
provides censor board certification in
Possible spelling mistake found.
OTT
platforms. All the above things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to decrease violence in society.

To sum up, it can
be said
that despite a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact. My reason is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more attracted to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
direction
rather
than catch the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by taking a few actions.
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IELTS essay A lot of people believe that the amount of violence shown on TV and in the cinema affects the actions of our young people and therefore vy the amount of violence in our society today. What can be done to reduce violence in our society today?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
316 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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