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The more product is advertised, people will buy it more. Do you agree or disagree?

The more product is advertised, people will buy it more. eRG8O
It is argued that if the goods have been advertised, it will be sold by people. This essay is totally agreed with the statement. Having no idea about the products and the way in which advertising showed goods are considered of the main reasons of my view. First of all, people may not know about a particular product in shops and malls which may they need in their life. There are many goods which are useful and people need to use them but these stuff have not been advertised at all. On the contrary, most of products which are advertised by famous people are sold out, even though these are an expensive products and have not much value. Gucci bags, for example, are bought incredibly because they are advertised by many of famous people. Moreover, advertising shows products in a wonderful way in order to attract customers. Today, most of advertising have done by people in social media, and these people attempt to give all their best because they will get benefits from this. Thus, most of people use different ways to sell goods like creating something unusual. Personally, not all products attract me unless famous people advertised these stuff in an amazing way, for example, I bought a perfume because of its shape and the praises that I heard about it even though it was expensive. In conclusion, most of products are sold out because they have a good advertising. People, these days, buy things according to what they have been seen and heard from social media.
It
is argued
that if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
have been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertised
, it will
be sold
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This essay is
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
with the statement. Having no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and the way in which advertising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
are considered
of the main reasons of my view.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may not know about a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
in shops and malls which may they need in their life. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
which are useful and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these stuff have not been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertised
at all.
On the contrary
, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertised
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are sold
out,
even though
these are an expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and have not much
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "valued".
value
. Gucci bags,
for example
, are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
incredibly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertised
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Moreover
, advertising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
Consider replacing "in a wonderful way" with the adverb for "wonderful"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a wonderful way
in order to attract customers.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
Consider using "most advertising" or "most of the advertising".
most of advertising
have done by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in social media, and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attempt to give all their best
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefits from this.
Thus
, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways to sell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
like creating something unusual.
Personally
, not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
attract me unless
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertised
these stuff
Consider replacing "in an amazing way" with the adverb for "amazing"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an amazing way
,
for example
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
a perfume
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its shape and the praises that I heard about it
even though
it was expensive.

In conclusion
, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are sold
out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
advertising.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
, these days,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things according to what they have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
and heard from social media.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay The more product is advertised, people will buy it more.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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