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changes in the quality of food on account of technological improvement

changes in the quality of food on account of technological improvement 06RBQ
Opinions are divided as to whether or not the changes in the quality of food on account of technological improvement have an intensive effect on people's lives. We should own up to the fact that we are living in a technological era and through the rapid evolution and influx of technology, farmers can produce bigger crops in a faster way, although, most people have an ambivalent attitude toward technology and the quality of food, putting down to diverse notions. Following this, there are several points of view on this subject that should be considered. On the whole, the majority of individuals take the view that the changes in food have a devastating impact on people's lives, especially adolescents. To clarify my point, they genuinely believe that humans' priority should be organic food without any chemicals. Nevertheless, some believe that modified crops can have a crucial role in the financial aspect. To interpret this matter, if the number of crops soars dramatically, governments' economies will develop significantly. Along with this, due to more food and crops, the government can secure the needs via legal export and import. Hence, to provide an instance, to the best of my recollection, which dates back to a year ago, my intimate friend and I reached a decision to obtain adequate information about the influence of modified food on juveniles' lifestyles. Getting up in months, a vast amount of knowledge had been collected as a result of harnessing the Internet. In a nutshell, the project depicted that adolescents were reluctant to eat organic food, indeed, they strongly believed that people had to concentrate on more important work, which could guarantee their prosperities. Moreover, they were convinced that modified food could hinder their time from squandering. Nonetheless, I take issue with this perspective. Needless to say, organic food does not put people's well being at risk. In contrast, modified food ( e. g. fast food) has the potential to endanger individuals' health, which can turn up a bunch of unforeseen problems such as making people susceptible to diseases by weakening the immune system. To sum it up, the government should produce innumerable advertisements to make people get the message about the negative effects of modified food on citizens' body. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, this policy plays a radical role in this particular issue. Eventually, it is a foregone conclusion that the drawbacks of modified food are more conspicuous than its advantages.
Opinions
are divided
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
as to whether or not
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
on account of technological improvement have an intensive effect on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. We should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
up to the fact that we are living in a technological era and through the rapid evolution and influx of technology, farmers can produce bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crops
in a faster way, although, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have an ambivalent attitude toward technology and the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, putting down to diverse notions. Following this, there are several points of view on this subject that should
be considered
.

On the whole
, the majority of individuals take the view that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
have a devastating impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
especially
adolescents. To clarify my point, they
genuinely
believe that humans' priority should be organic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
without any chemicals.
Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crops
can have a crucial role in the financial aspect. To interpret this matter, if the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crops
soars
dramatically
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
' economies will develop
significantly
. Along with this, due to more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crops
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can secure the needs via legal export and import.

Hence
, to provide an instance, to the best of my recollection, which dates back to a year ago, my intimate friend and I reached a decision to obtain adequate information about the influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
on juveniles' lifestyles. Getting up in months, a vast amount of knowledge had
been collected
as a result
of harnessing the Internet. In a nutshell, the project depicted that adolescents were reluctant to eat organic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
indeed
, they
strongly
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had to concentrate on more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
work, which could guarantee their
Possible spelling mistake found.
prosperities
.
Moreover
, they
were convinced
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
could hinder their time from squandering. Nonetheless, I take issue with this perspective. Needless to say, organic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
does not put
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
There should be no space here: "e.g.".
e. g.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food)
has the potential to endanger individuals' health, which can turn up a bunch of unforeseen problems such as making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
susceptible to diseases by weakening the immune system.

To sum it up, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should produce innumerable advertisements to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the message about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
on citizens' body. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, this policy plays a radical role in this particular issue.
Eventually
, it is a foregone conclusion that the drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
are more conspicuous than its advantages.
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IELTS essay changes in the quality of food on account of technological improvement

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
406 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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