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the money that government spend on military defence would be much better spent on poverty

the money that government spend on military defence would be much better spent on poverty Epg7M
It is often held that the decision of goverment to spending budget on the military is a good idea; however, some people believe that the expenditure would be more beneficial to spending on the poverty instead of military. In this essay, both views will be examined. Since armys take a significant role in the country in many duty, spending the money to the military is worth it. First of all, secrerity of the citizen is the most concerned of the government. This is due to the fact that there are many criminal case in the present which caused from disabile of the officer to access the victim since they did not have enough efficent equipment. Moreover, armys are the main group of people who have to handle with unpredictable disaster, which wastes lot of money to recovering. Due to the catastrophe, it is damaging not only the building but also the money to finding the sufferers; for this reason, the military must needed serveral budget to helping the suffering people. On the ther hand, many realize that it would be better to spend money on people who faces the poorness. First of all, there are the high number of unemployee in the present. According to this issue, many peole become homelesses who are not even affors to buy any meal to live; for this reason, they are needed the supporting from the host of the country to fixing this problem. Furthermore, improving facilities in the rural area is also the essential point to give attention. For example, since the public transport becme deteriorate dur to the expired of the equipment, people has no choice to choose their vehnicles. Consequently, they can not going to the other place easily. In the nutshell, this essay acknowledge that spending cost to military defence is good, but expending to the poorness is also important. It is recommended that it would be better to using the money with poverty.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
held that the decision of
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverment
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
budget on the military is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
;
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the expenditure would be more beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on the poverty
instead
of military. In this essay, both views will
be examined
.

Since
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "armies", the plural form of the noun 'army'?
armys take
a significant role in the country in
Possible agreement error. The noun duty seems to be countable; consider using: "many duties".
many duty
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to the military is worth it.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
secrerity
of the citizen is the most concerned of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
This is due to the fact that
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
criminal case in the present which caused from
Possible spelling mistake found.
disabile
of the officer to access the victim since they did not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
Possible spelling mistake found.
efficent
equipment.
Moreover
,
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "armies", the plural form of the noun 'army'?
armys
are the main group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
handle with unpredictable disaster, which wastes
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to recovering. Due to the catastrophe, it is damaging not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the building
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to finding the sufferers;
for this reason
, the military
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
needed
Possible spelling mistake found.
serveral
budget to helping the suffering
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the
Possible spelling mistake found.
ther
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
realize that it would be better to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Did you mean "face"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
faces
the poorness.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there are the high number of
Possible spelling mistake found.
unemployee
in the present. According to this issue,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
peole
become
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "homeless", the plural form of the noun 'homeless'?
homelesses
who are not even
Possible spelling mistake found.
affors
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
any meal to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
;
for this reason
, they
are needed
the supporting from the host of the country to fixing this problem.
Furthermore
, improving facilities in the rural area is
also
the essential point to give attention.
For example
, since the public transport
Possible spelling mistake found.
becme
deteriorate
Possible spelling mistake found.
dur
to the expired of the equipment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
no choice to choose their
Possible spelling mistake found.
vehnicles
.
Consequently
, they can not
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "go"
going
to the other place
easily
.

In the nutshell,
The verb 'acknowledge' is plural. Did you mean: "this essay acknowledges"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this essay acknowledge
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
cost to military
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
expending to the poorness is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. It
is recommended
that it would be better to using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
with poverty.
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IELTS essay the money that government spend on military defence would be much better spent on poverty

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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