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The cultures of many coutries around the world become more similar than they used to be. What are the reasons for this trend? Is it positive or negative? v.2

The cultures of many coutries around the world become more similar than they used to be. What are the reasons for this trend? Is it positive or negative? v. 2
The cultures of multiple countries are becoming more and more alike, which may be claimed as a positive tendency. The causes for this phenomenon will be discussed in this essay. As for the causes, one of the most significant factors contributing to the issue is, beyond doubt, migration. Nowadays, more and more people leave their motherland for very distant places. For instance, numerous students, aspiring to gain an education of high standard, enter universities abroad. Mingling with native counterparts, they inevitably share their outlook which, at first sight, might seem dissimilar or even somewhat appalling. But over time, even seeming peculiar stances on common things become a norm. Furthermore, widespread of Hollywood movies and the Internet are believed to be a great power to erase boundaries between different cultures. For instance, exposure to abundant advocacy of certain way of life, for example, coming from movies, might undermine the belief of righteousness of local customs, thereby drastically changing people' s attitude towards their set of values. Talking about an attitude toward the situation, the benefits appear to outweigh the negative aspects. A deeper understanding of foreign cultures seems to be able to unite people or even prevent conflicts. For example, people believing in different religions used to deem each other enemies which led to gruesome slaughters. Furthermore, as people tend to evolve, they glean only the best from foreign cultures. All in all, I would claim that the phenomenon mostly is a positive trend in the contemporary world and globalization seems to be its primary contributor.
The cultures of multiple countries are becoming more and more alike, which may
be claimed
as a
positive
tendency. The causes for this phenomenon will
be discussed
in this essay.

As for the causes, one of the most significant factors contributing to the issue is, beyond doubt, migration. Nowadays, more and more
people
leave
their motherland for
very
distant places.
For instance
, numerous students, aspiring to gain an education of high standard, enter universities abroad. Mingling with native counterparts, they
inevitably
share their outlook which, at
first
sight, might seem dissimilar or even somewhat appalling.
But
over time, even seeming peculiar stances on common things become a norm.
Furthermore
, widespread of Hollywood movies and the Internet
are believed
to be a great power to erase boundaries between
different
cultures.
For instance
, exposure to abundant advocacy of certain way of life,
for example
, coming from movies, might undermine the belief of righteousness of local customs, thereby
drastically
changing
people&
#039; s attitude towards their set of values.

Talking about an attitude toward the situation, the benefits appear to outweigh the
negative
aspects. A deeper understanding of foreign cultures seems to be able to unite
people
or even
prevent
conflicts.
For example
,
people
believing in
different
religions
used
to deem each other enemies which led to gruesome slaughters.
Furthermore
, as
people
tend to evolve, they glean
only
the best from foreign cultures.

All in all, I would claim that the phenomenon
mostly
is a
positive
trend in the contemporary world and globalization seems to be its primary contributor.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay The cultures of many coutries around the world become more similar than they used to be. What are the reasons for this trend? Is it positive or negative? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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