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Some people think we need more female leaders to create world peace and reduce violence. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think we need more female leaders to create world peace and reduce violence. v. 1
Traders should give more importance to selling domestic foods than the foreign foods. Although it will be beneficial for the vendors, I believe that they should sell all varieties because of the reasons explained in the essay. On one hand, the emphasizing the sale of locally grown fruits and vegetables will play a significant role in boosting the public health. Since exporters usually add chemicals to keep the items fresh, it will be harmful to the health of the locals, and therefore, if stores sell only the home grown goods, the associated diseases will not affect the buyers. For example, India imports almost ninety percent of apples and most physicians agree that these are high in pesticides and causes many ailments. Thus, in order to avoid the repercussions such as this, it is indispensable to sell local harvest. On the other hand, placing significance to the sale of the domestic food is not always advantageous because the rich food sources sometimes need to be imported. Some plants and trees are tropical while the others grow in cold weathers. If the shops only sell the domestically cultivated herbs and vegetables, the people cannot reap the benefit of consuming nutrient rich foods that are harvested in the foreign countries. For instance, the Moringa leaves have high levels of vitamins and protein, but it can be grown only in places of abundant sunshine, and It is sent to nations all over the world from Mexico and Africa. Hence, if purchasing non native food items have such merit, it is essential to sell all these. In conclusion, despite of the fact that the local food will be free from hazardous chemicals, I believe that supermarkets should place high value to selling only local produce, because sometimes, certain greens are high in nutrition and needs to be acquired from neighbouring nations
Traders should give more importance to selling domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
than the foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. Although it will be beneficial for the vendors, I believe that they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sell
all varieties
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the reasons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in the essay.

On one hand, the emphasizing the sale of
locally
grown fruits and vegetables will play a significant role in boosting the public health. Since exporters
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
chemicals to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the items fresh, it will be harmful to the health of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
, and
therefore
, if stores
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
the
This word is normally spelled as one.
home grown
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, the associated diseases will not affect the buyers.
For example
, India imports almost ninety percent of apples and most physicians
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that these are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
in pesticides and causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ailments.
Thus
, in order to avoid the repercussions such as this, it is indispensable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
harvest.

On the other hand
, placing significance to the sale of the domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is not always advantageous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
sources
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
need to
be imported
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
plants and trees are tropical while the others grow in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
weathers. If the shops
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sell
the
domestically
cultivated herbs and vegetables, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
cannot reap the benefit of consuming nutrient rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
that
are harvested
in the foreign countries.
For instance
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Moringa
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
levels of vitamins and protein,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can
be grown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
in places of abundant sunshine, and It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to nations all over the world from Mexico and Africa.
Hence
, if purchasing
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items have such merit, it is essential to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sell
all these.

In conclusion
,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
the fact that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
will be free from hazardous chemicals, I believe that supermarkets should place
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
value to selling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
produce,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, certain greens are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
in nutrition and needs to
be acquired
from
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbouring' is British English.
neighbouring
nations
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think we need more female leaders to create world peace and reduce violence. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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