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the media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors

the media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors 2bRaj
In recent years, news and social networking usually focus on posting about the famous people’s lives such as singers, actors. On the other hand, many people suppose that media should report more on the lives of normal people. I totally agree with this statement. Firstly, the lives of famous people are unrelated to us. Everything about them always appear on social networking. For example, a celebrity’s wedding last year, which all information and photos of the wedding were uploaded too much on the Internet. At those days, I could see everything about the ceremony on Facebook, Instagram, even on tv. Secondly, I think the media should concern more about the community because we can see all the good things that from usual people everyday. For instance, in many poor areas, volunteers often donate food, clothes and money to people who have difficult life. Moreover, a fireman can jump into a burning house or building to rescue people and pets. Furthermore, when I was on the street, I could see some traffic police gave a bottle of water to each person. After all these things, I think if the social network pay more attention to the normal people’s lives, everyone can absorb something helpful from it. Besides, many people love reading more about the lives of well-known people. They think that the relationships and lives of celebrities are very interesting. For instance, when people see news about famous people such as their lifestyle, houses. Many of them will dream about it and that will be their motivation to try and maybe they can have their own lives like the idols. In addition, some children love football and they want to learn something from their idols if they want to be like them. In conclusion, I think that the media should report more on the community, the lives of ordinary people to have good effects on society
In recent years, news and social networking
usually
focus on posting about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
such as singers, actors.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suppose that media should report more on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unrelated
to us. Everything about them always appear on social networking.
For example
, a celebrity’s wedding last year, which all information and photos of the wedding
were uploaded
too much on the Internet. At those days, I could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
everything about the ceremony on Facebook, Instagram, even on
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
.
Secondly
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
the media should concern more about the community
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things that from usual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
.
For instance
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
poor areas, volunteers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
donate food, clothes and money to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have difficult life.
Moreover
, a fireman can jump into a burning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
or building to rescue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and pets.
Furthermore
, when I was on the street, I could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
traffic police gave a bottle of water to each person.
After all
these things, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
if the social network pay more attention to the normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
, everyone can absorb something helpful from it.

Besides
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
reading more about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of well-known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that the relationships and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of celebrities are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
interesting.
For instance
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
news about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as their lifestyle,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of them will dream about it and that will be their motivation to
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
maybe they can have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
like the idols.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
football and
they want to learn something from their idols if they want to be like them.

In conclusion
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that the media should report more on the community, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
effects on society
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IELTS essay the media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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