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The man disagrees with the decision announced in the student newspaper. Explain why the university made the decision and why the man disagrees with. v.1

The man disagrees with the decision announced in the student newspaper. Explain why the university made the decision and why the man disagrees with. v. 1
Some people are recompensed immense wages in few nations. There are people who believe that such a trend might be profitable to the country, while others opine that the government should curb pays accordingly and, deterrent the income individuals are offered. This essay will highlight both views in detail and, explain why anticipating a huge income is beneficial for the growth of the country. To begin with, in today’s contemporary world, the relatives and children of powerful people are earning a tremendous amount of stipend than others. Such movements should be strictly monitored and the government should curb salaries of individuals according to their capabilities. To cite an example, In Nepal before 2012, the economy of the nation was contracting simultaneously as rich people were being more affluent and common people were jobless. That’s when the government came forward and implemented laws to provide equal job placements and earning to common people. So, it is the responsibility of the government to scrutinize any violations as well as to restrict the bulk of funds people can earn. Nonetheless, colossal stipend provided to few people can be considered advantageous to the country. As such masses could invest in establishing large companies and organizations within the state which will aid in escalating employment opportunities and, ultimately the emerging economy. For example, Mr. Chaudhary, one of the billionaire of Nepal, has opened several factories and companies and, provided work to more than twenty thousand people. So, the enormous salary paid to rare individuals helps in developing the financial condition of the nation. In conclusion, I believe allocating high salaries for few deserving people is profitable in mitigating financial issues of the province. However the government should keep an eye for any rules violations regarding the job opportunities so that common people are paid off equal sum as others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are recompensed
immense wages in few nations. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe that such a trend might be profitable to the country, while others opine that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should curb pays
accordingly
and, deterrent the income individuals
are offered
. This essay will highlight both views in detail and,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why anticipating a huge income is beneficial for the growth of the country.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s contemporary world, the relatives and children of powerful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are earning a tremendous amount of stipend than others. Such movements should be
strictly
monitored and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should curb salaries of individuals according to their capabilities. To cite an example, In Nepal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
2012, the economy of the nation was contracting
simultaneously
as rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were being more affluent and common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were jobless. That’s when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
came forward and implemented laws to provide equal job placements and earning to common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is the responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to scrutinize any violations
as well
as to restrict the bulk of funds
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can earn.

Nonetheless, colossal stipend provided
Did you mean "too"?
to
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
be considered
advantageous to the country. As such masses could invest in establishing large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and organizations within the state which will aid in escalating employment opportunities and,
ultimately
the emerging economy.
For example
, Mr.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chaudhary
, one of the billionaire of Nepal, has opened several factories and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and, provided work to more than twenty thousand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the enormous salary paid to rare individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in developing the financial condition of the nation.

In conclusion
, I believe allocating high salaries for few deserving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is profitable in mitigating financial issues of the province.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye for any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
violations regarding the job opportunities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are paid
off equal sum as others.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
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Amy Chua

IELTS essay The man disagrees with the decision announced in the student newspaper. Explain why the university made the decision and why the man disagrees with. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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