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The major cities in the world are growing fast, as well as their problems. What are the problems that people living in cities are facing with? Give solutions to these problems v.1

The major cities in the world are growing fast, as well as their problems. What are the problems that people living in cities are facing with? Give solutions to these problems v. 1
Major metropolises around the world are experiencing exponential growth. This essay outlines some of the major issues this causes for younger members of society and some ways to address them. Rapidly growing cities cause two major issues for young people. The most serious is the difficulty youths face to get employed in the competitive job market of a growing city. This is because of age discrimination in the labour market based on the perception that young people are less competent workers. The second problem is the feeling of alienation. As the population increases, people tend to be less familiar with people in their community, and young people in particular often lack an established social network and start to feel isolated from society. However, there are some ways to alleviate these problems. Firstly, the government can provide subsidies to companies that are willing to hire young people. These subsidies will make it more attractive for companies to hire young people and this will allow them to get experience so that they will be more employable in the future. With regard to alienation, the best way to deal with this is to have grassroots community organisations that reach out and help young people. An effective way to do this is to have public service advertising for these types of organisations on social media platforms that young people often engage in. In conclusion, megalopolises are negatively impacting the youths in many countries around the world by making it extremely difficult for them to get jobs and by often causing feelings of social isolation. The best ways to tackle these problems are for the government to provide policies aimed at assisting youths to gain employment and for community organisations to help provide a support network for at-risk individuals.
Major metropolises around the world are experiencing exponential growth. This essay outlines
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
major issues this causes for younger members of society and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to address them.

Rapidly
growing cities cause two major issues for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The most serious is the difficulty youths face to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
employed in the competitive job market of a growing city. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of age discrimination in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market based on the perception that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are less competent workers. The second problem is the feeling of alienation. As the population increases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to be less familiar with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their community, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in particular
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
lack an established social network and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to feel isolated from society.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to alleviate these problems.
Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can provide subsidies to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
that are willing to hire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. These subsidies will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it more attractive for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to hire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they will be more employable in the future. With regard to alienation, the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to deal with this is to have grassroots community
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
that reach out and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. An effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to do this is to have public service advertising for these types of
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
on social media platforms that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
engage in.

In conclusion
, megalopolises are
negatively
impacting the youths in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries around the world by making it
extremely
difficult for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
jobs and by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
causing feelings of social isolation. The best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to tackle these problems are for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to provide policies aimed at assisting youths to gain employment and for community
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
provide a support network for at-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
individuals.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay The major cities in the world are growing fast, as well as their problems. What are the problems that people living in cities are facing with? Give solutions to these problems v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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