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The line graph illustrates how much money is not enough money to provide themselves to the

The line graph illustrates how much money is not enough money to provide themselves to the m8Ajn
Currently, the role of women in a country's police force or military force has never failed to provoke debates. While some claim that women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs, the opposite makes a statement that women still play an equal role in these fields. This essay is devoted to discussing both views and showing my opinion which agrees with the latter perspective. It is understandable why women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs owing to the lack of physical strength. Obviously, men are superior in this aspect such as muscular strength or endurance which are the determinant factors for participants in these professions. For example, the dangerous duties either petty like stealing and robbing or more malignant such as terrorism and murder need policers or soldiers who are not only robust but also stamina to chase and escort the offenders. Hence, without these features, they will be jeopardised by their counterattack with ease. As a result, women are regarded as less preferable than men in these aspects due to males standing better instead of durability than females do. While the downsides of women’s inborn abilities of durability are widely acknowledged, it is irrefutable to note that both genders must equally be given the same opportunity to have these vocations. Since we live in a technology-based society, women who do not have the physical ability as men could play many other significant roles in those jobs through training. For example, Interpol, known as the International Criminal Police Organization has successfully arrested numerous criminals, including the most wanted ones. By using top-notch facilities, they were able to track perpetrators and some specialized technology to solve uneased cases. Consequently, protecting the peace is the responsibility of each individual so both men and women should participate and dedicate themself in many ways. In conclusion, although females are not as flexible and stamina as their counterparts, they should still be given equal chances to participate in the military thanks to the development of advancements in technology.
Currently
, the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in a country's police force or military force has never failed to provoke debates. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are not suitable for these kinds of jobs, the opposite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
still
play an equal role in these fields. This essay
is devoted
to discussing both views and showing my opinion which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the latter perspective.

It is understandable why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are not suitable for these kinds of jobs owing to the lack of physical strength.
Obviously
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are superior in this aspect such as muscular strength or endurance which are the determinant factors for participants in these professions.
For example
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
duties either petty like stealing and robbing or more malignant such as terrorism and murder need
Possible spelling mistake found.
policers
or soldiers who are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
robust
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
stamina to chase and escort the offenders.
Hence
, without these features, they will be
Possible spelling mistake. 'jeopardised' is British English.
jeopardised
by their counterattack with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are regarded
as less preferable than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in these aspects due to males standing better
instead
of durability than females do.

While the downsides of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
inborn abilities of durability are
widely
acknowledged, it is irrefutable to note that both genders
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
equally
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the same opportunity to have these vocations. Since we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a technology-based society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who do not have the physical ability as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
could play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other significant roles in those jobs through training.
For example
, Interpol, known as the International Criminal Police Organization has
successfully
arrested numerous criminals, including the most wanted ones. By using top-notch facilities, they were able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
perpetrators and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specialized technology to solve
Possible spelling mistake found.
uneased
cases.
Consequently
, protecting the peace is the responsibility of each individual
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should participate and dedicate
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
themself
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.

In conclusion
, although females are not as flexible and stamina as their counterparts, they should
still
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
equal chances to participate in the military thanks to the development of advancements in technology.
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IELTS essay The line graph illustrates how much money is not enough money to provide themselves to the

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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