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The issue of maintaining ocean creatures for recreational goals has grown in importance over the past few decades.

The issue of maintaining ocean creatures for recreational goals has grown in importance over the past few decades. aE7bP
The issue of maintaining ocean creatures for recreational goals has grown in importance over the past few decades. In despite of the fact that moving them to amusement parks could have some merits, I strongly believe that the drawback of that are more prominent. I try to support my argument with some examples in the essay below. On the one hand, there is some possible advantages in favor of moving ocean creatures to leisure places. They might be used as some learning experience. For instance, schools can bring students to amusement park in order to teach them about those creatures by near. It can lead to boost the efficiency of students' learning. In addition, keeping them in a safe place is beneficial for them to secure from possible dangers. As a result, it can help to protect a number of endangered species. On the other hand, the primary disadvantage of keeping ocean species in an artificial space is isolating them from their wildlife habitats. It definitely has some adverse effects on their life. For example, With separating from pair, the birth rate of a wide variety of animals has been decreased recently. Moreover, due to removing them from wildlife cycle, a vast number of other creatures are more likely to suffer from their absence like fishes or sharks because they probably a part of the natural food chain. Thus, it can cause irreparable damage to the environment. To sum up, although keeping ocean creatures for recreational interests might have some merits, the drawbacks of that are far more. It can have several negative impacts on both the birth rate and the environment.
The issue of maintaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ocean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creatures
for recreational goals has grown in importance over the past few decades. In despite of the fact that moving them to amusement parks could have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merits, I
strongly
believe that the drawback of that are more prominent. I try to support my argument with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
examples in the essay below.

On the one hand, there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible advantages in favor of moving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ocean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creatures
to leisure places. They might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
learning experience.
For instance
, schools can bring students to amusement park in order to teach them about those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creatures
by near. It can lead to boost the efficiency of students' learning.
In addition
, keeping them in a safe place is beneficial for them to secure from possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
.
As a result
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to protect a number of endangered species.

On the other hand
, the primary disadvantage of keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ocean
species in an artificial space is isolating them from their wildlife habitats. It definitely has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adverse effects on their life.
For example
, With separating from pair, the birth rate of a wide variety of animals has
been decreased
recently.
Moreover
, due to removing them from wildlife cycle, a vast number of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creatures
are more likely to suffer from their absence like fishes or sharks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
probably
a part of the natural food chain.
Thus
, it can cause irreparable damage to the environment.

To sum up, although keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ocean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creatures
for recreational interests might have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merits, the drawbacks of that are far more. It can have several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on both the birth rate and the environment.

IELTS essay The issue of maintaining ocean creatures for recreational goals has grown in importance over the past few decades.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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