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the investment in tourism of some developing countries

the investment in tourism of some developing countries XDnLq
benefit is that tourism provides regular employment for many local people who might otherwise be unemployed. They can find work in restaurants or hotels, or with tourist agencies as guides or drivers, for example, and earn regular wages. This, in turn, means that they may be able to save money and improve their standard of living. The second reason is that tourists spend money in the country and this allows local businesses such as restaurants, bars and taxi companies to flourish. In turn, other businesses, food suppliers or petrol stations, for instance, may be established in order to provide services to support the companies which cater for tourists. In other words, the whole economy of the region develops. A third reason is that in order for tourists to be able to visit remote areas, roads, airports and hotels have to be built and local people also benefit by being able to use these new facilities. Furthermore, when communications improve, it becomes possible for other industries to move into the area, bringing with them more employment opportunities and increased prosperity. A final reason why I am in favour of tourism is that visitors from outside bring fresh ideas and different ways of doing things to the local community. Consequently, local people may learn from tourists. Likewise, visitors learn about the local people and culture, and return home with a deeper understanding of the host country. On the other hand, that there are some problems associated with international tourism. Firstly, there is the increasing crime rate. Some locals see tourists as easy prey because, not only are they in unfamiliar territory and therefore less able to take care of themselves, but also they carry visible items of wealth, such as cameras and jewellery which can be disposed of quickly for a profit. Another major problem is health. With greater mobility comes greater danger of spreading contagious diseases around the world. Also to be considered is the natural environment, which can be seriously threatened by too many visitors. Australia’s Great Barrier Reef, for example, is in danger of being destroyed by tourists and there are plans to restrict visitors to some of the more delicate coral reefs. Air pollution is also caused by too many air flights.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
benefit
is that tourism provides regular employment for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who might

otherwise
be unemployed
. They can find work in restaurants or hotels, or with tourist

agencies as guides or drivers,
for example
, and earn regular wages. This, in turn,

means that they may be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to save money and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their standard of living. The

second reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
spend money in the country and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
local

businesses such as restaurants, bars and taxi
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to flourish. In turn, other

businesses, food suppliers or petrol stations,
for instance
, may
be established
in order

to provide services to support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
which cater for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
.
In other words
,

the whole economy of the region develops.

A third reason is that in order for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to visit remote areas, roads,

airports and hotels
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be built
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
benefit by being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use


these new facilities.
Furthermore
, when communications
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
, it becomes

possible for other industries to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
into the area, bringing with them more

employment opportunities and increased prosperity. A final reason why I am in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour


of tourism is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
from outside bring fresh
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways of doing

things to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
community.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may learn from tourists.

Likewise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
learn about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and culture, and return home with a

deeper understanding of the host country.

On the other hand
, that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems associated with international

tourism.
Firstly
, there is the increasing crime rate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
as easy

prey
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
are they in unfamiliar territory and
therefore
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to take

care of themselves,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they carry visible items of wealth, such as cameras and

Possible spelling mistake. 'jewellery' is British English.
jewellery
which can
be disposed
of
quickly
for a profit. Another major problem is

health. With greater mobility
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
greater
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of spreading contagious diseases

around the world.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
to
be considered
is the natural environment, which can be

seriously
threatened by too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
. Australia’s Great Barrier Reef,
for example
,

is in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
and there are plans to restrict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
to

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of the more delicate coral reefs. Air pollution is
also
caused by too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
air

flights.
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IELTS essay the investment in tourism of some developing countries

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
374 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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