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The internet transform a new way to share but it also make some problems that have not existed before

The internet transform a new way to share but it also make some problems that have not existed before WqQrK
In this modernized period, high-tech technologies have been developed in several nations, including the Internet, platforms of social media such as Facebook or Instagram, these modern applications and websites have brought us interconnected than ever. However, it also causes a lot of complex issues outside the community that have never existed before. The viral cause can be seen in the time using those social platforms by people, some pieces of evidence and suggestions will be mentioned below. Firstly, it is evident that the internet is a huge global system of computer networks that allow users to search for whatever they want such as some very basic things like looking for some study resource throughout some websites or watching Youtube. Everything sounds normal until it became too viral in the world that numerous people depend on them. As the result, Internet's addiction is one of the most dangerous problems that people can have. Once they have been addicted, they cannot control the time using it, which causes many problems in their life such as reducing their productivity in study or work or they can be distracted at any time with their smartphone and they will not concentrate on what they are doing. Analysts also clarified that our mental health, I mean brain, can be influenced significantly if we keep using social networks for more than 5 hours per day. Especially in students, some of them are out of their parents control so they are being addicted to the internet day by day and if we do not stop it. To avoid being affected by the internet, a good suggestion is to limit the time that you usually spend on it per day. As I mentioned above, looking toward the phone or laptop’s screen for more than 5 hours per day could let you be involved with some mental health illnesses. By this way, users can both use the internet as a tool to work or study and use it to entertain themselves in a reasonable time frame. Another way to consider is to filter the appropriate information during searching something on the internet so you can avoid bad news or spam that you do not expect to see. The last solution is if you have a child, make sure that they have been educated enough about the global networks before allowing them to use. To conclude, although I claim that the development of the internet is very effective to us nowadays and also social networks play a very important role for each individual user. However, I strongly argue that if we do not use it in the correct way, many problems can be released.
In this modernized period, high-tech technologies have
been developed
in several nations, including the Internet, platforms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media such as Facebook or Instagram, these modern applications and websites have brought us
Use "(interconnected)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
interconnected
than ever.
However
, it
also
causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
complex issues outside the community that have never existed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. The viral cause can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
using those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
platforms by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pieces of evidence and suggestions will
be mentioned
below.

Firstly
, it is evident that the internet is a huge global system of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
users to search for whatever they want such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
basic things like looking for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
study resource throughout
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
websites or watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
Youtube
. Everything sounds normal until it became too viral in the world that numerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
depend on them. As the result, Internet's addiction is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
problems that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can have. Once they have
been addicted
, they cannot control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
using it, which causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems in their life such as reducing their productivity in study or
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work or
they can
be distracted
at any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
smartphone and
they will not concentrate on what they are doing. Analysts
also
clarified that our mental health, I mean brain, can
be influenced
significantly
if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
for more than 5 hours per day.
Especially
in students,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are out of their parents control
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are
being addicted
to the internet day by day and if we do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
it.

To avoid being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the internet, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
suggestion is to limit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that you
usually
spend on it per day. As I mentioned above, looking toward the phone or laptop’s screen for more than 5 hours per day could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
you
be involved
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mental health illnesses. By this way, users can both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet as a tool to work or study and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it to entertain themselves in a reasonable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
frame. Another way to consider is to filter the appropriate information during searching something on the internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
you can avoid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
news or spam that you do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
. The last solution is if you have a child,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that they have
been educated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
about the global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
allowing them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.

To conclude
, although I claim that the development of the internet is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effective to us nowadays and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
play a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role for each individual user.
However
, I
strongly
argue that if we do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it in the correct way,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems can
be released
.
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IELTS essay The internet transform a new way to share but it also make some problems that have not existed before

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
443 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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